ana

OMG I swear a new guy breaks my heart every week! Well not really. But this last guy... long story. He's scared of 'attachment' and getting hurt so he pushed me away in a really mean way... and now I'm sitting here... I've been crying all day. I need to get away from this computer and out of the house but everything is closed.

Tomorrow I have homework... and I'm so busy... but all I want to do is cry. All I want is for him to call me and tell me it's okay and we can date for awhile and see how it goes. As of this moment I'm 99% sure I'm dumped. That's not super normal for me.

I'm really not doing well. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to sleep because I'm scared of my dreams. I'm really scared. I sent him a message but he didn't get back to me. I bet he ignores me now to avoid emotions. But it hurts me. He acts like he doesn't even like me anymore... but I know he hella does.

So there is more. Like why am I doing this? I do really care about him. I guess it's complicated. I guess I just need time to pass. But what do I do now? This moment? I can't think of any way to feel okay. I just want to be next to him... But this is hell... and I'm just going to keep sitting here looking at my computer hoping he will message or call. It's stupid and painful. But I don't know what to do.

I don't know how I will get my homework done this week. I don't know how I'm going to do anything.