I'm all over the place. Feeling good... feeling sad. Distraction seems to be the best thing for me. I guess I'm trying to chat with people online because it is distracting. Sometimes I wish SG had an instant message thing. I put an AIM thing on there... but no one uses aim... and I don't really use it. Too oldschool.
There are some people to chat with on okstupid. I don't wanna meet anyone... I guess just a distraction. It's not hard to get guys to talk to me. Just hard to meet nice ones.
I've been watching Buffy... It's a stupid show but I'm enjoying it. Tomorrow has so many "might happens" I'm kinda scared. I can't sleep... at all lately. So i'm going to see someone in the morning about getting a sleeping pill... the funny thing is that by then I will be SO tired.
I guess that's not funny. I'm feeling scared now in bed knowing I will be tired and awake. It's kinda like hell because all the bad little thoughts go over and over.
Things were so good not that long ago. I was overflowing with motivation. I wonder where that went. Maybe it's still just a bad reaction to the mold. GOD ONLY KNOWS. and there is no god.
There are some people to chat with on okstupid. I don't wanna meet anyone... I guess just a distraction. It's not hard to get guys to talk to me. Just hard to meet nice ones.
I've been watching Buffy... It's a stupid show but I'm enjoying it. Tomorrow has so many "might happens" I'm kinda scared. I can't sleep... at all lately. So i'm going to see someone in the morning about getting a sleeping pill... the funny thing is that by then I will be SO tired.
I guess that's not funny. I'm feeling scared now in bed knowing I will be tired and awake. It's kinda like hell because all the bad little thoughts go over and over.
Things were so good not that long ago. I was overflowing with motivation. I wonder where that went. Maybe it's still just a bad reaction to the mold. GOD ONLY KNOWS. and there is no god.
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Things will get better. Sometimes you need to just DO things to get your motivation back. It's so hard taking that first step but once you've done that, it makes a huge difference.
Stuff that I've found really helps me "reset" sometimes:
- Start a new workout regimen (keep it small, easy and simple to start - doing it is the important part)
- Clean and/or rearrange my place. Even just one room.
- List everything out that I want to do or have in my life. Even little things. Pick the easiest one and make it happen.
Thinking about you xo
ps: Buffy is AWESOME