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ana

Portland

SG Since 2005

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Saturday Jun 20, 2009

Jun 20, 2009
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I guess if there is anywhere to blog about my girly-immature thoughts relating to the opposite sex this is probably it.

Lately the guys who I find attractive are 30-35 years old. Up until this point I have only ever really liked guys my age. But lately, they all look the same but the 30-35 year olds look better because they have more education and better jobs. Ive been a little boy-crazy lately so thinking about which guys are the most attractive has been on the mind. I think there are less naturally hot older guys, but the ones who are hot are truly attractive and ageing well. Early to mid twenty-year old guys just seem confused and in-between. However if I were to pick an older guy as a settle down partner, then if we had kids and they were ten years older that would be weird AND if they are such a great catch why are they still single?

When it comes down to it we are attracted to we are NATURALLY attracted to and we have little actual choice about the matter. I mean its so rare for someone who we can actually fall for to naturally come along so when you find a good person you have to make exceptions. I know my parents didnt even get together until their late twenties AND maybe despite my hormonal thoughts Im someone who will never find my one and only. I have met a lot of people in my life and no one in these twenty-four years that I want to settle with. But in retrospect Ive become much more picky. I used to date people just because I was physically attracted to them and now I am more into the emotionally & physically attractive qualities. But it lowers my dating pool like crazy, because then I only wanna date guys who are Buddhist, dont smoke, dont drink too much and the list just goes on.

Its confusing because I thought I could settle in my last relationship. But there were a few things that just didnt work and didnt seem worth the pain. I feel like in any relationship there will always be a few painful things we have to deal with I think in my head Im always using my parents as an example. But even after my mom found her love he died and we all end up alone in the end anyways so maybe I should numb my hormones and just chill out and not worry ←-good idea. Because in the end it doesnt really matter ←-lol amusing myself. I really wish I were gay. I find women so attractive, but I just cant date them because no matter how attractive they are I never get that hormonal crush feeling which is key for me. At least having it for some small portion of time with my other.

I guess I should just be happy that I am young and have options. Put it outta my head. Get back to doing things that are really important to me like working/school/studies. I guess Im just going though a hard patch of time. I want to grow up and feel like an adult but I kinda feel helpless and hopeless lost in a bad moment of regression. I know I am happy here sitting by myself but I am distracted and incapable of just letting myself be right now. Haunting myself with useless thoughts and rants. Overall Im just fine just trying to get out some silly girl thoughts because I have them.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
magentahaze:
Im 24 too darlin and haven't had a relationship longer than 6 months and that was like 2 yrs ago! Im so sick of people saying "it will happen when you least expect it" because sub conciously im always expecting it or looking for possibilites. But i dont think i really know what i want so just have to go with the flow i guess, and see what life has in store x
Jun 20, 2009
trechriron:
It's good to think about what you want. Even if it gets confusing. Your mind is letting you know that you are concerned and it wants to help you sort through it.

I think you should write down everything you want in a man. What does the relationship look like? I really loved the movie Practical Magic. So kind of like that. Write it down and read it out loud. "make a wish". Tell the universe what you want.

See if the universe doesn't toss you something you expected this time!
Jun 20, 2009

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