amymay

So i stole my friends charger this evening to charge my 'puter. It was a good night filled with friends. Rona and josh. Haven't seen them in forever they make me laugh so hard i cry. its great.

Watched stranger then fiction with andrew and my josh... I played with his hair the entire movie and he leaned on my leg to let me.... Then played "handzeys" kinda like footsy but with hands... i don't know things are.... weird. confuseing.... almost disapointing.

I just don't know why i'm like this. I don't think its Josh. I think i just really like attention. I like being the girl.... I like feeling a warm hand on mine. I like the soft touch of his hair. I like... being in that fresh flirty stage... but i'm not. and i know he doesn't like me like that. so its disapointing.I don't know... confused.

I wish i could say i just want E. back... and i do... but. I think we're falling in the paterns we were in before we got together. I'm hanging out with friends and he's playing video games and working. He hasn't asked me how my day was in two days... he asks me what i got done but not how i am... Then drones on about people at work that i honestly try to care about ... but just dont. I love him sooo much but i'm so not a phone person. I get bored and pre occupied.
Things will get better.



I long for that touch... that soft warm touch. Its not a sexual one. Its one meant to say 'i'm here' I love that touch. I love that smile. the one thats meant just for you. And that look. The one that says' i'll look at you for hours if you let me.' I love to shyly look away. My acknoldgement that i "know" I love the quiet silence. A head apon my knee. the comforts of being needed. The strings of hair that fall between my fingers but pull at my heart. Its cold tonight. I warm my feet on his leg but what i really want it to lay on my side with his big arms wrapped around me. To feel his breath on my neck and his body so near to mine.