My wedding is DOOMED. I'm not being overly drama queen here. I mean if I choice to get married to E. The wedding day is DOOMED.
This is going to be a long ass rant but you might get a laugh out of how bad parents can get around a wedding.
But before you read it let me give you some back ground. E's parents have talked to him about once a week sence Ive known him. But ever sence we moved out here to Cali. They have become nerotic about how often he calls. He still calls once a week (along with a call to his grandma). But they want him to call more. Lately its been getting really bad. They want him to call more and talk more which would be fine, but he has a full time career now. We also are trying to build a life for ourselves here. We've been great about paying back money we owe them and out of their 3 kids E. has come the furthest in becoming his own person even though he's not the oldest. He's almost independent of them.
About a year ago we talked to his parents and they said they would pay for half to 2/3rd of the wedding if we let E's dad's bussieness associates come. This meant the wedding was going to have to meet a certain caliber. At the time we didn't think it was a big deal and it was going to be the only way we could afford to have a wedding in Long island (which is where E. wanted to have it). Quickly after making this choice I came to regret it. His parents started to over step things. They pretty much told us where to have the wedding. They went with us to look for a photogragher. They even told me that the brides maid dresses had to be similar and that the centerpieces couldn't be outlandish. I gritted my teath bitched a lot to e. and eventually came to the realization that it really did mean a lot to my future husband to have it on the island. So I thought what the hell I'll go along.
I've been keeping track of things that need to get done and on the right time line. I've been keeping a budget and I've pretty much been ahead of scheduale. Its been hard considering everything has had to be done from cross contry but what the hell
So everything I've picked they have had to approve (so say them) My mother hasn't gotten to see some of the things they have.
They've been throwing a fit about getting save the date card out (which I didn't want to do cause I think they are attention whorey) and picking an invitation(something that doesn't need to be done for months still) I shut my mouth and did both.
I tried to put a guest list together but E.'s parents won't give me their half, instead they want my family's list and our friends. This means I won't even get to know who's invited to my own wedding.
These are the letters before my rants
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Dear Amy,
I called this afternoon to try to speak to E and I would guess your phone was shut off because it went right to the message. It was important that I speak to him, so I wrote him a letter and sent it to his gmail address which he probably won't open. I have attached the letter to this file. You can either read it now or wait until E has read it first because it pertains to you also and the wedding. I hope after you (plural) have read it we can figure out how to resolve the issues that I have addressed in the letter.
Thanks!
Gl 2/25
Dear E,
I called your house phone at 2:30 p.m. my time and got the machine. So I am writing you this letter because I don't know how to contact you and maybe you will have a better understanding of my feelings if you see them in print. Time and again you (plural) say you will do things and then they don't happen. And then you apologize. But then it keeps happening. I know you are under a lot of stress at work and trying to balance everything at home and work is difficult. However, I expect you to be responsible. Before I went away, we had a very serious discussion and you told me you would call daddy over the weekend. I even reminded you when I emailed you back my comments about the invitation before I left. Yet you told daddy you never said you would call. I can't sit by and watch your father in such distress about all of this. Further, is it really too much to ask of you to call once a week?
I am very upset with how the wedding plans are proceeding and how our feelings are not considered. This isn't only your party. You disregard my feelings and don't care what your father thinks. You need to know that your father and I are a team. You cannot have one without the other. If it wasn't for your father, this wedding wouldn't be possible. And all the little and not so little things that have been happening have really taken their toll on both of us. When you need an opinion on something, the opinion comes from both of us, not just me. We both have valuable things to say. How could you address the wedding invitation just to me? In addition, it takes only an extra few seconds to type in a second email address when you send things.
We did receive the save the dates. I must tell you, I trusted Amy's artistic eye on this. In my opinion, they are difficult to read. The background is too dark for the black ink. It was not possible for me to see this from the internet copy that you sent me. In addition, I never received the address list from Amy's side of the family.
At this point we are considering canceling the wedding here. There is no pleasure right now in this and if it means that we have to lose the $XX,XXX we paid to XXXXX, we are willing to do that. If I got an email from my father like the last one he sent to you, I would certainly have responded to it by now. He is really heartbroken.
To me a wedding is supposed to be a joyous occasion and I can't remember being so upset by something so much in a long time. I can't say it's worth it anymore.
The ball is in your court. You have two parents who love you and who are hurting and I don't understand why you are having such difficulty understanding this.
Love, MOM
Also I'm sorry if its hard to read I needed to rant in between their bitching.
these are the letters includeing# my rants in between the #
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
THIS is the letter I got from E.'s MOM! To start things, Is this how you would talk to your future daughter in law? Because to me it's like I'm a business client she's sending a nasty memo to.
Dear Amy,
I called this afternoon to try to speak to E and I would guess your phone was shut off because it went right to the message. It was important that I speak to him, so I wrote him a letter and sent it to his gmail address which he probably won't open. I have attached the letter to this file. You can either read it now or wait until E has read it first because it pertains to you also and the wedding. I hope after you (plural) have read it we can figure out how to resolve the issues that I have addressed in the letter.
Thanks!
G 2/25
This is the letter that was attached.
Ok so here's the letter thing in between the # will be my remarks#
Dear E,
I called your house phone at 2:30 p.m. my time and got the machine. So I am writing you this letter because I don't know how to contact you and maybe you will have a better understanding of my feelings if you see them in print. #we were home all day never did one of our phones ring# Time and again you (plural) say you will do things and then they don't happen. #Bullshit# And then you apologize. But then it keeps happening. I know you are under a lot of stress at work and trying to balance everything at home and work is difficult. # she says she knows but she doesn't know. She doesn't understand the amount of work he's been doing DESIGNING A HOSPITAL! She doesn't know how exauhsted he is when he comes home. If I can get over being a little neglected so should she!# However, I expect you to be responsible. # he is the most responsible 23 year old I Have Ever Met# Before I went away, we had a very serious discussion and you told me you would call daddy over the weekend. #nope he didn't say he would call# I even reminded you when I emailed you back my comments about the invitation before I left. Yet you told daddy you never said you would call. I can't sit by and watch your father in such distress about all of this.# oh I forgot to mention the last time he talked to his dad there was a huge fight cause E. said look I'm tierd of calling and just getting bitched at for not calling. It ended his his FATHER hanging up on him! And then sending E. a guilt ridden email.# Further, is it really too much to ask of you to call once a week?
I am very upset with how the wedding plans are proceeding and how our feelings are not considered. #bullshit at this point its only their feelings that are being considered# This isn't only your party.# NO its our wedding day it is all about us# You disregard my feelings and don't care what your father thinks. You need to know that your father and I are a team. You cannot have one without the other. If it wasn't for your father, this wedding wouldn't be possible. And all the little and not so little things that have been happening have really taken their toll on both of us. # and she doesn't even consider that its taken there toll on E. cause she doesn't care. She uses him as a venting post and then doesn't consider why he has ulsers at 23# When you need an opinion on something, the opinion comes from both of us, not just me. We both have valuable things to say. How could you address the wedding invitation just to me?# because it was written in a hurry and its only the mock invitation not the real one# In addition, it takes only an extra few seconds to type in a second email address when you send things.
We did receive the save the dates. I must tell you, I trusted Amy's artistic eye on this. In my opinion, they are difficult to read. The background is too dark for the black ink. It was not possible for me to see this from the internet copy that you sent me.# ok so you couldn't print off the copy we sent not to mention why the hell do you get to tell me what my save the date cards should look like they aren't to dark!!# In addition, I never received the address list from Amy's side of the family.# that's cause your not the bride!#
At this point we are considering canceling the wedding here.#.... wtf# There is no pleasure right now in this and if it means that we have to lose the $XX,XXX we paid to XXXXX, we are willing to do that. If I got an email from my father like the last one he sent to you, I would certainly have responded to it by now.# E. didn't respond because he wanted his dad to hurt a little. His dad is not a good guy he treats his kids like crap and already has one daughter that wont talk to him He wanted to stand up to his dad and say hey you need to start acting like an adult. E. was giving his dad some time to think about things, the email was cruel# He is really heartbroken.
To me a wedding is supposed to be a joyous occasion and I can't remember being so upset by something so much in a long time. I can't say it's worth it anymore. # Its our wedding#
The ball is in your court. You have two parents who love you and who are hurting and I don't understand why you are having such difficulty understanding this.
Love, MOM
ITS OUR FUCKING WEDDING
I hope this makes sence
and the pus pus looks amazing. seriously, amazing.