warning this is possably the most woe is me blog i've written... ever
Do you love me or do you just know me?
Do you know me or do you just see me?
Do you see me or what you want to?
Do you see what you want to or what is lacking in me?
Do you love me or am I lacking?
We keep having the same fights over and over. And worse we've started having the fights we normally have with his father. He's slowly turning in to his dad, a man a dispise. I know you must be all very tired of reading about this. He's a good guy and I love him and he is worth the trouble.
But I get so danm sick of feeling this ache in my chest- feeling this tightness in my lungs. It's not supposed to be like this! I know its not supposed to be easy but I'm not supposed to want to run away all the time.
Here's the thing if I ran away. If I turned my life in to something else more like what I want.who would want me? I'm a broken ugly girl. I'm one of those people you introduce as having a great personality and a "big" heart. Hell I don't even have money to intise people with.
The worst realization is realizing the life you have is the best you can get.
let me tell you something... if you can make the life that you want and be happy.... go for it... no is going to make you happier than yourself... it is hard i know it... oh and sorry i didn not read this earlier... that is bullshit.... you have to make your life because no one is going to make it for you... as being alone... it will not happen... when your are happy you attach people around you that are happy as well... when you are sadd or depress people will not want to be with you... and you are not ugly so please stop saying that.... trust me... if you lived closer to me i would go out with you in less than a heart beat... so stop saying your are ugly when you are not and go out there and make the life that you want... and if this boyfriend or whatever he is... is not there to support you... drop him like a bad habit and find yourself one that will support you and help you move foward not backwards with it sounds like your are doing... you can love someone greatly but they can still be very bad for you.... don't be one of those that sit there and wonder what if??? be one of the ones that said ... i did it and i did my way on my terms... you got more than that in you... this is coming from a MAN... no man is worth all the trouble and sleepless nights that you are going through and giving up on your happiness.... think about it and think about it hard... is it worth it... is it worth all the regets what YOU will have later on in life???? if you need to talk i am here.... and thank you again for the comment... 
