amymay

I lost a friend today. He didn't die he just didn't want me around anymore. he wanted "Space" .... from a friendship? What the hell is that. I listend to him talk about how he wanted some one in his life to care about him. I told him i couldn't be the one but i'ed glady be his friend. (i don't think he ever wanted me to be the one) I got the feeling he had never had alot of friends and I don't think he had ever had a female friend. (Maybe i'm wrong) In anycase the more we talked the more he opend up and the more he talked to other girls (if you can't tell this is some one on ethe site) Soon he talked to me less and less insisting I wanted space from him. I inisited i didn't.
I think i'm the gateway girl-friend. I tend to befriend alot of guys that aren't confortable around girls then once they are used to me they start to open up to other females. I've gotten blown off before but never like this. My relationship with these guys have changed when they got real GF's but never this.
Apearently i was pushing to hard. Pushing what! Yes i got pissed when i started to get the cold sholder and i called him on it. Thats what i do. I'm bluntly honest and i call people on the stupid shit they do. He said thats what he does he gets close to some one and then pushes them away. He was sorry.... but he didn't even notice when he was doing it.
I said. YOUR DOING IT RIGHT NOW. Stop i'm not going to hurt you. The only way you'll stop this habit is if you let people in. If you want me to back off i will but you have to tell me.
I gave him the open out and he took it.
he said. Your pushing to hard i want space.
ITS FUCKING ONLINE can you give more space to some one then that? I mean if he didn't want to talk to me then don't reply to the danm emails. or say i don't want to talk to you. Don't shyly back away for a month.

So either i pushed to hard (silly me thinks that is what real friends to they push you in to being the person you say you want to be)
or i'm just not good enough now that he has other friends.

either way i'm the one that ended up.... annoyed. I will not let some one that cares so little for me hurt me.

Maybe if i say that enough i'll belive it. HA.

Just tell me one thing. What is the sence of haveing, makeing, investing in these friendships if they don't mean anything to anyone? I don't get it.