amymay

Ok so there is no way to say this except today was the worst i've had in a long time. I thought talking about what has been on my mind would clear it out a little.. WOW was a wrong! It was much like bleeding a himophilac pontless to the point of counterproductive. Thanks for everyones love and support on my last blog It did help. Just thinking about it and then.. the way E reacted. I keep thinking about love how little i deserve it and how much i want it. How different I thought it would be. Every time i look outside of the screen i see a little three year old running across the room. Empty Empty Empty.

i want some one that i can be equal too.. some one that isn't better then me
I want someone that will say bless you when i sneeze
I want someone that will ask if im ok when i hurt myself
I want someone that will hold me when i feel like crap
I want someone that will not let me run away like i do all the time.
Don't give me my space!
Don't let me go!


Then to round out the day i went on chat to occupy my mind and was reminded just how poorly i do everything ... even spell. Loved that! I don't even know why i bother going in to chat it just confuses me and blah blah blah... I wish i could just go to sleep and stay asleep for a few monthes... These next monthes are going to suck they always do. ok i'm whinney i'm sorry ignore me.. i deserve to be ignored.


EDIT: At 3:30 am some one finally cheared me up and got me laughing.. then i talked to his brother another "friend" of mine. And three comments later i'm crushed again... what the hell is wrong with me why do i let people destroy me. I still let people use me to feel better about themselves and make me feel better about my self.. then they forget about me and again i feel cheep. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR