I know i wouldn't consider this good writting but im trying a new thing were i just write to be honest with myself thought i would share a nights worth of writting.
After everything that happened in Canandaigua I decided to take a year off from sex. I know some people cringe at the idea and to be honest I did too at first. All I knew is I didn't like who I had become. Starting college was a great chance for me to change who I was and if that meant I had to give up the thrill of a climax then that is what I had to do. The choice came the night Peter told me he was"In love". I knew it wasn't with me and I was glad hell I was proud. Our arrangement had worked well for a long time. He would give me a ride home from work and then we would fuck. The sex was bad and short but I needed the ride and he needed to get off. He was talking about his new girl and I was looking at the clock wondering when he was going to leave and then he looked at me. "Look Amy you know it's been fun and all but when you start school in the fall you need to stop this." I looked at him half in puzzlement half in anger- was he criticizing me when he was the one cheating.. "You'll get a reputation. it's a small campus life and you deserve better then to be looked at like a whore." He kissed me on the cheek and left. I was furious for a while. But the more I examined my life the more whore seemed to fit. Sex meant a night of feeling full. I had begun to equate a kiss with someone's affection and a full pussy with a full life. I wanted more.
School began and I was reborn. This time I was puncky little chick with blue bangs and a red bandana. Chris, jess, peter, Greg, Bob they were all in the past now. I thought I would be done with relationships completely but the first day at RIT and there he was. The man I was going to marry. God he was scary. Big- unshaven. He looked like an ogre and I was hooked. I ran up to him and asked if he was a gamer. He was speechless and amused. For the next 8 months we were inseparable. He was conveniently unattainable but it didn't stop me from trying. He was sweet and kind and wanted me to be who I was. He was gentle and honest. I loved him. But much like every other man in my life he walked out my door one day and never came back. He was the first guy I felt close to with out feeling him inside me. But when he left, I felt emptier then I had since my father left. I craved attention from a strong man that would take control of me, my body, and my life. I wanted a since of being wanted. And then I met Jules. It was a chance meeting at a coffee shop where we exchanged emails. We talked for a while. He knew I was looking for some one to dominate me and I knew he wanted to control. One night he came over with Chinese and a movie.
Sitting on the couch I flung my legs up and over his. My hair was short and sassy at the time but I could see he still couldn't take his eyes off from my fingers as I twirled a lock and laughed at a joke. He touched my leg like you would touch a sleeping child. So carefully and soft it was like a whisper on the skin. Tentative his hand traced up my leg. Slowly and controlled his hand found my thigh. I was wearing short white cotton shorts. Soon his fingers were at the edge. I bit my bottom lip with anticipation not knowing if he would continue on or stop. With in a second he had grabbed my ass and pulled me on to his lap. I was surprised by his power, and laughed out of confusion. He told me to "stop laughing, don't make a sound" and lifted my shirt up and over my head. I was wearing my black braw. It was a half size to small and my pale breast spilled over top the lace. He kissed my breast and quickly moved on. At first he softly toyed with my hard nipple with the tip of his tongue and then he began to suckle and nibble. Before I knew it he was tonguing my breast with an aggression I hadn't known. When he bit down I cried out in pain. But he didn't stop. I began to panic and pull away but he held me close. Eventually the pain subsided and a new pleasure took its place. A moan escaped my lips and he stopped. I looked at him and he said "I told you not to make a sound. " He tapped my ass and I got up with a pout. He unzipped his pants, he was already hard and considerable larger then I expected. "Get on your Knees." I fallowed the command. I thought to turn the tables and began to tease him with my own tongue. I stopped just close enough for him to feel the heat of my mouth hovering over his swollen head. I slowly touched the tip of his dick with the tip of my tongue. I expected a moan but my efforts were not rewarded. I curled my tongue around his head and my lips around the shaft. Kissed firmly and again backed away. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head to face him. "Stop fucking around." And with that he forced my head back to his pulsing cock. This time I took him in to mouth completely as I withdrew my mouth my hand took its place. With his balls in one hand and his shaft in the other I worked at the head with my mouth. When he started to cum he pushed my head down lower on to the shaft His cum hit the back of my thought and I gauged. I kept him in my mouth until he went soft and then came up for air. "Good Girl" he said stroking my hair. The words sent a chill through my body, and excitement I had longed for. "Go get my coat." "You're leaving" I asked as I handed him his leather jacket. He took out a pair of hand cuffs and said "not any time soon". He pulled my arms behind my back. I heard the cuffs locking as he began to kiss my neck. The metal was cold and tight on my skin but his mouth was warm. My knees began to go weak but he held me up each hand clasped around a breast. He pushed me down to the couch and then pulled at my ass to the edge. He spread my legs and began to suckle my clit. His lips and tongue seemed cold and wet at first but soon was warm and hard. I moaned and tried to close my legs. At the time being eaten out wasn't something I felt comfortable with and he knew it. He pushed my legs open and sat there. I was handcuffed naked on a couch completely exposed with his face only inches away from my most private and most used part of me. I felt vulnerable for the first time in ages. And as he held me in that position I realized I hadn't let myself be vulnerable in years and because of that I hadn't been open to anything or anybody ever. Helplessness filled me from head to toe. And then something new, the longer he watched me the wetter I became the more he stared at me in this queered uncomfortable state the more I ached to have him inside me. He slowly approached closer- taking my clit in to his lips, lapping and suckling in a mixture of erotic pressures. I came to the verge of orgasm and hovered in a state of ecstasy. He felt this and pulled away. He pulled me up and pushed me over the arm of the couch. He slid his hard cock in to me and I moaned loud. He wrapped a hand around my neck and pulled me back towards him. I came before he even began to thrust. Held me there for a minute and then let me lay over the arm chair again. He pulled out and quickly found my ass with his hard dick. He entered before I realized what was happening. The pain was intense and I screamed out in pain. He held me still as I spasm around him. Slowly he started to pull out and then thrust again. The mixture of pain and pleasure was surreal He reached around and started to massage my clit. I climaxed again. And this time he moaned as he did as well.
He slept over that night. When I woke up the next day he was on my compute talking to a different girl, the web cam was on. He ordered me over and on to my knees. And that's how it was for 3 months in a relationship that I handed myself over to. In the end I left to find some one that could control me in the bedroom but allow me to live the rest of my life as I liked.
After everything that happened in Canandaigua I decided to take a year off from sex. I know some people cringe at the idea and to be honest I did too at first. All I knew is I didn't like who I had become. Starting college was a great chance for me to change who I was and if that meant I had to give up the thrill of a climax then that is what I had to do. The choice came the night Peter told me he was"In love". I knew it wasn't with me and I was glad hell I was proud. Our arrangement had worked well for a long time. He would give me a ride home from work and then we would fuck. The sex was bad and short but I needed the ride and he needed to get off. He was talking about his new girl and I was looking at the clock wondering when he was going to leave and then he looked at me. "Look Amy you know it's been fun and all but when you start school in the fall you need to stop this." I looked at him half in puzzlement half in anger- was he criticizing me when he was the one cheating.. "You'll get a reputation. it's a small campus life and you deserve better then to be looked at like a whore." He kissed me on the cheek and left. I was furious for a while. But the more I examined my life the more whore seemed to fit. Sex meant a night of feeling full. I had begun to equate a kiss with someone's affection and a full pussy with a full life. I wanted more.
School began and I was reborn. This time I was puncky little chick with blue bangs and a red bandana. Chris, jess, peter, Greg, Bob they were all in the past now. I thought I would be done with relationships completely but the first day at RIT and there he was. The man I was going to marry. God he was scary. Big- unshaven. He looked like an ogre and I was hooked. I ran up to him and asked if he was a gamer. He was speechless and amused. For the next 8 months we were inseparable. He was conveniently unattainable but it didn't stop me from trying. He was sweet and kind and wanted me to be who I was. He was gentle and honest. I loved him. But much like every other man in my life he walked out my door one day and never came back. He was the first guy I felt close to with out feeling him inside me. But when he left, I felt emptier then I had since my father left. I craved attention from a strong man that would take control of me, my body, and my life. I wanted a since of being wanted. And then I met Jules. It was a chance meeting at a coffee shop where we exchanged emails. We talked for a while. He knew I was looking for some one to dominate me and I knew he wanted to control. One night he came over with Chinese and a movie.
Sitting on the couch I flung my legs up and over his. My hair was short and sassy at the time but I could see he still couldn't take his eyes off from my fingers as I twirled a lock and laughed at a joke. He touched my leg like you would touch a sleeping child. So carefully and soft it was like a whisper on the skin. Tentative his hand traced up my leg. Slowly and controlled his hand found my thigh. I was wearing short white cotton shorts. Soon his fingers were at the edge. I bit my bottom lip with anticipation not knowing if he would continue on or stop. With in a second he had grabbed my ass and pulled me on to his lap. I was surprised by his power, and laughed out of confusion. He told me to "stop laughing, don't make a sound" and lifted my shirt up and over my head. I was wearing my black braw. It was a half size to small and my pale breast spilled over top the lace. He kissed my breast and quickly moved on. At first he softly toyed with my hard nipple with the tip of his tongue and then he began to suckle and nibble. Before I knew it he was tonguing my breast with an aggression I hadn't known. When he bit down I cried out in pain. But he didn't stop. I began to panic and pull away but he held me close. Eventually the pain subsided and a new pleasure took its place. A moan escaped my lips and he stopped. I looked at him and he said "I told you not to make a sound. " He tapped my ass and I got up with a pout. He unzipped his pants, he was already hard and considerable larger then I expected. "Get on your Knees." I fallowed the command. I thought to turn the tables and began to tease him with my own tongue. I stopped just close enough for him to feel the heat of my mouth hovering over his swollen head. I slowly touched the tip of his dick with the tip of my tongue. I expected a moan but my efforts were not rewarded. I curled my tongue around his head and my lips around the shaft. Kissed firmly and again backed away. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head to face him. "Stop fucking around." And with that he forced my head back to his pulsing cock. This time I took him in to mouth completely as I withdrew my mouth my hand took its place. With his balls in one hand and his shaft in the other I worked at the head with my mouth. When he started to cum he pushed my head down lower on to the shaft His cum hit the back of my thought and I gauged. I kept him in my mouth until he went soft and then came up for air. "Good Girl" he said stroking my hair. The words sent a chill through my body, and excitement I had longed for. "Go get my coat." "You're leaving" I asked as I handed him his leather jacket. He took out a pair of hand cuffs and said "not any time soon". He pulled my arms behind my back. I heard the cuffs locking as he began to kiss my neck. The metal was cold and tight on my skin but his mouth was warm. My knees began to go weak but he held me up each hand clasped around a breast. He pushed me down to the couch and then pulled at my ass to the edge. He spread my legs and began to suckle my clit. His lips and tongue seemed cold and wet at first but soon was warm and hard. I moaned and tried to close my legs. At the time being eaten out wasn't something I felt comfortable with and he knew it. He pushed my legs open and sat there. I was handcuffed naked on a couch completely exposed with his face only inches away from my most private and most used part of me. I felt vulnerable for the first time in ages. And as he held me in that position I realized I hadn't let myself be vulnerable in years and because of that I hadn't been open to anything or anybody ever. Helplessness filled me from head to toe. And then something new, the longer he watched me the wetter I became the more he stared at me in this queered uncomfortable state the more I ached to have him inside me. He slowly approached closer- taking my clit in to his lips, lapping and suckling in a mixture of erotic pressures. I came to the verge of orgasm and hovered in a state of ecstasy. He felt this and pulled away. He pulled me up and pushed me over the arm of the couch. He slid his hard cock in to me and I moaned loud. He wrapped a hand around my neck and pulled me back towards him. I came before he even began to thrust. Held me there for a minute and then let me lay over the arm chair again. He pulled out and quickly found my ass with his hard dick. He entered before I realized what was happening. The pain was intense and I screamed out in pain. He held me still as I spasm around him. Slowly he started to pull out and then thrust again. The mixture of pain and pleasure was surreal He reached around and started to massage my clit. I climaxed again. And this time he moaned as he did as well.
He slept over that night. When I woke up the next day he was on my compute talking to a different girl, the web cam was on. He ordered me over and on to my knees. And that's how it was for 3 months in a relationship that I handed myself over to. In the end I left to find some one that could control me in the bedroom but allow me to live the rest of my life as I liked.