amory

Tonight I'm leaving town for a couple days. It will be nothing but wireless internet for twenty four hours.

I bet you wish you were me.

On the other hand I think my overanalytical tendancies have gotten the best of me. From an outsiders perspective I can see how it could be quite amusing. I think my co workers are having a field day with it. They know.... I think everyone knows. I don't know what happened to change me so much, to make me so strange in certain situations..... but I am strange. I am trying to let everything go, let the past go, learn from the mistakes that were made and just move on with everything but it's so hard. It's almost like those mistakes haunt me, they linger and are burned into everything that I was and it makes me who I am now.
And i am learning to deal with that person, to be happy as that person, to not be scared, to not think so much, to just relax sometimes and say "tonight, Im not going to give a fuck about everything and just let my mind... rest". I need let my mind take a rest. And this is not saying that i am not pleased with the way things are going right now. I'm doing what I should be doing, I'm with the person I want to be with, I'm making things happen and I'm motivated.....

I just need to get this weight off my shoulders that has been building up for the last year.

Please leave weight.

Thanks.
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So Cameron hardly could look at me.... it breaks my heart. That little boy will never know how much I love him, never. It brings me so much sadness, maybe that is the root of all this evil... I just don't know.

.......... fuck. I am so over being dissapointed all the time. I'm not settling for anything less for anyone or any situation in my life. It's not worth it. I'd rather be alone and self motivated. Some situations can't change, no matter how much you want them to. I just don't get it. I have a short fuse from being burned too many times, over and over again. I don't need anymore disspaointing situations in my life.