to alot of people and myself
im so tired.
i remember waking up everyday and not feeling like this. when did it become this way? what happened? what changed?
when did i leave the life i knew and become this person i don't want to be... this person im scared to look in the mirror at. i want to break the mirror. i want to throw it and scream at it and blame this on it... but its not its fault. its not the mirror, its not the people, its not the place, its all me. when did the words become repetitive and meaningless. when did i lose respect for myself and respect for you and you and you.
when did the sky lose all of its beauty? when did the colors seem to fade and lose their sheen? i hardly remember what it was like to feel whole. to look back on the day with a smile and know that i accomplished something, that it was a good day. when did i start to sit in indifference? when did i stop caring about tomorrow?
when did your smile stop to bring me happiness? when did i start to think everything you told me was fake? why haven't i seen the sun rise in over a year unless i'm up way too late and drunk? the sun has become a burden to my eyes and my heart and i live in the dark.... when did i start to love the dark?
when did i start to pretend that losing someone you love is easy?
it just needs to STOP. ALL of it.
im not going to be the person you only call late at night. im not going to be someone you're only sure about sometimes. im not going to be the friend who you secretly hate. im not going to be the mom whos never there. im not going to be the daughter you can push around. im not going to be the person who does everything for you and gets nothing in return. im not going to be the person you cant trust. im not going to be full of smiles when im not happy but i dont want to dwell in self loathing either.
im so tired.
and i did it all to myself.
NEVER FUCKING AGAIN
im so tired.
i remember waking up everyday and not feeling like this. when did it become this way? what happened? what changed?
when did i leave the life i knew and become this person i don't want to be... this person im scared to look in the mirror at. i want to break the mirror. i want to throw it and scream at it and blame this on it... but its not its fault. its not the mirror, its not the people, its not the place, its all me. when did the words become repetitive and meaningless. when did i lose respect for myself and respect for you and you and you.
when did the sky lose all of its beauty? when did the colors seem to fade and lose their sheen? i hardly remember what it was like to feel whole. to look back on the day with a smile and know that i accomplished something, that it was a good day. when did i start to sit in indifference? when did i stop caring about tomorrow?
when did your smile stop to bring me happiness? when did i start to think everything you told me was fake? why haven't i seen the sun rise in over a year unless i'm up way too late and drunk? the sun has become a burden to my eyes and my heart and i live in the dark.... when did i start to love the dark?
when did i start to pretend that losing someone you love is easy?
it just needs to STOP. ALL of it.
im not going to be the person you only call late at night. im not going to be someone you're only sure about sometimes. im not going to be the friend who you secretly hate. im not going to be the mom whos never there. im not going to be the daughter you can push around. im not going to be the person who does everything for you and gets nothing in return. im not going to be the person you cant trust. im not going to be full of smiles when im not happy but i dont want to dwell in self loathing either.
im so tired.
and i did it all to myself.
NEVER FUCKING AGAIN
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
angelfuckaz:
Yeah I left before they played.
applerecords1251:
This seems to be your life theme. You need to take some happy pills and find Jesus or something. I don't have answers, find some answers and work it out.