amory

******** very long in depth scentences that are my thoughts right now***************

Fuck.

First of all I just had to say FUCK shit fuck damn it piss it all to hell.

I have been in Tucson since thursday night and been without internet access and a phone that works outside of Phoenix. BTW to anyone that leaves a message if I'm not in phoenix--- leave your number! my phone didn't work so i didn't bother to bring it and my phonebook was in it and I really don't know peoples numbers by heart... i know i should. That will be a project.

So much has happened since thursday i can't even explain it. * I'm going fast and not looking back or i'll never save this.... so if its full of typos ..fuck off if it bothers you * First i have to get into a little vanessa history. I know some of you know about but some of you probably don't. i figured that everyone did because this is why i basically moved back to Tucson in November. There is a little boy who means the world to me in Tucson. And I want to take care of him. Because I'm suppossed to. And even though everyone thought I was too young, i know i can do it and he deserves it. I know you get the idea of the story if you need any extra details.. just let me know.

SO basically I get a call from my dad making me aware that my exs parents have cameron ( my little boy ) and that my family and I are in jeopardy of losing Cameron to them because I'm not in Tucson and ex is. And because he wants him now i guess. And I feel like I can't let them happen. That also means changing my life dramatically. LIKE, MAJOR life changes. I know I can do it and I think it would be the right thing to do and i only think it will make me a better stronger person but... its gonna be hard. At least I have a couple of people who i know will be there and who have reassured me that they'll be there no matter where I'll be... my rocks. I don't know what I'd do without him.

But this weekend was nothing but arguements and a few happy family moments and a few sad times and tears. Very emotional weekend. And a decision was made that I would move back to Tucson. *big SURPRISE* But it's totally the best and right and unselfish thing I can do. and camerons the love of my life. well one of them.

I'm listening to the acoustic version of
Punk Rock Princess and its so beautiful. the piano is so light... thats how i play. It makes me smile so much to think that someone once told me that this song reminded him of me and that i was his punk rock princess. the other love of my life.

"maybe when I'm done with endings this can begin... this can begiiiin.

you can be my punk rock princess i will be your herione.... "

i love it.

lets go get the shit kicked out of us for love

********************************thank you guys for being so supportive.