"I didn't know what physics majors did after college, and, as I found out years later, neither did anyone else. My first warning sign was when I told people I was studying physics and they would ask me, 'What do you want to do with that?' I would usually stare at them blankly until they either burst out sobbing uncontrollably or nervously offered, 'Do you want to teach physics?' because in most people's minds the only value of learning physics is in teaching it to others, which is known in Physics as a 'vicious circle' or 'Van der Waals Force.' What the hell, it's not like you'll know if I'm making that up."
-Outtake from Sydney T. Bernstein's "One Man Show and One Man Tell"
THING 1: You like her, don't you?
THING 2: Of course I do.
THING 1: So why don't you ask her out?
THING 2: I don't know if that's a good idea...
THING 1: What are you afraid of?
THING 2: What if she hates me?
THING 1: She's a modern woman. She's probably aware that sometimes people ask people who they like to go on dates. I'm sure she'll forgive you.
THING 2: But what if she accepts? I have to account for that, too!
THING 1: Well, isn't that what you want?
THING 2: Sure it is... but...
THING 1: But what? Why are you being such a God damned pussy about this?
THING 2: sigh... She deserves better than someone who won't even ask her out.
pause
THING 1: That doesn't make any sense!
THING 2: It makes perfect sense!
THING 1: You're so fucking retarded.
THING 2: See? This is exactly why I don't tell you my personal problems.
