amorette

i dont comment much on peoples journals, becasue really i dont know what to say. i read them. sometimes i comment. some people think im a bitch cause i get pissy when people dont comment on mine. i dont expect that anymore. im building up a thank you. to MontreuxCat. i dont know your name. you are a lovely lovely girl.
time to write...
my pinky has an infection. it really hurts. when dante attacked my hand his nail dug into where my nail starts growing. ishatar has done that to me before.
last night i couldnt help myself.
i dont know the things i said or was saying. it was not me. i felt completely detached from my mind and body. something came into me. i didnt lie about the flowers. well none of it was a lie. but i really meant i wanted flowers. ruby and travis would send me flowers and little plants. i remember ruby came me this little plant when i was in the hospital and in my room it rarely saw the light. i didnt bother watering it either, but the little plant still grew. its skin was thin and translucent and you could see almost right through the leaves. that was the new growth. and then you look at the old and it was crinkling up turning into brown waifes ready to fall off at any given moment.
today presume eating well. no more junk food. i want pretzles though.WHEY! fucking things cant eat them.
it is so cold. i passed out last night while taking a bath and then my breath woke me up because the cool breeze against my wet skin made everything a little more cold. the water was still warm. i made it very very hot to begin with. i stepped in and i could feel myself being cooked. my skin turned bright red. the heat was sucking out my ill thoughts. the candle light was just the perfect amount. 5 candles. black. red. orange. green. wait. so then 4 candles. no 5 i had 2 differnt greens. i got out and then my ankles and body couldnt hold itself up so i just collapsed on the floor and slept there till 2.
i bought book last night. and then i read the psychic reader newspaper. its somewhat like LA weekly only way thinner. it reads "How Poetry can change your life"
i walked to my car to grab some clothes. i may sleep in here, in my brothers house, but i really live out of my car. i have my clothes. books. shoes. even my food, that i have now started carring around in a cooler. the coolers contents include, granola bars, bananas, apples, grapefruit, redbull, and sobe's. the air outside is so cold it stings my bare skin.
ack i just sneezed.
i knew a girl once who had epelepsy. once during gym class in junior high, she sneezed and started having a seizure. it was so sad. people would laugh at her. i wonder how she is doing now.

so i am writing.a book, a story. the story. it is about a girl. 2 girls actually. and they turn into the same person. because one of the girl dies. not physically. but she just dies. and the other girl takes over her life. but she doesnt really know it. and they dont really know each other. well they do but not?. and this composite girl. she an angel. and she is so so beautiful. and fragile. and the hate and pain and hurt she sees and because noone sees how amazing she beautiful she is, this angel dies.
this is becuase i have made the resent discovery that kate is ruby. my insanity will create the perfect story. at least to me.
on february 15 and 16 there is a psychic faire and spiritual healing festival. i think i will go. its in berkeley or sacramento or santa rosa. hmmm. i wonder if anyone would want to go. its the weekend of my birthday. maybe i will just go alone. like cat power im going alone to. my birthday. *le sigh*
In psychic kindergarden the aura is the stroybook of the soul.
time for class