WAY LONG...
i went to class. i was tired. i couldnt get out of bed. the harder i tried the more tired i became. i just rolled out, ran across the driveway to my car to get some clothes. half naked. i could feel the early morning dew settling on my skin and i played with my keys to unlock the door. so serene so calm. everything is waking up and im the first to see it. even the dogs are still asleep in my brothers room. i went to go see my kittens. and i dressed in my half furnished room. no heat. the insulation of the house only keeps the cold air in. shaking as i put on my clothes i still manage to play with my kittens. their hair stuck to my clothes.
somehow i ended up at my grandmothers house. i think it was the thought of free food. first i went to deposit a check, from my mother. i stole from her. somehow i did. i went to pay for registration and was supose to charge my card, and she would reimburse me. i had 80 dollar credit. i didnt bother telling her that. so she wrote me the check.
i called that girl. Denean. a lovely girl. she told me to come. in the daylight. shes at her best in the daylight she says. i dont like to go out when the sun is high. i feel stripped of my energy, exposed. i like to hide in the shadows of the night, conceal myself from people, so they only see half of me. its better that way you know. we went to the observatory. its closed but the trails arent. she made me hike. its a funny thing when you are hikin up a mountain and still manage to smoke that ciggarette. i thought i lost my keys but my stupidity and not looking well through my purse led me to running back up the hill to find them in there, just sitting where i left them in that small purse. my lungs hurt from that. she took me to a diner, and bought me hashbrowns and espresso. it was lovely. then she managed to tell me wrong directions again, and get fussy when i make fun of her for it. at one point i just sat in the same spot at the dead end she took me too, with my head on the steering wheel ciggarette in hand and just counted to 10. i dont mind it. its more amusing than frustrating. we went to the library and she checked out books. 2 for me and 3for her i beleive. i started reading one of them. its lovely. it wastime to take her back home and for me to drive back to...nothing. we talked first and i was on the verge of tears thinking of some i guess memories from my childhood. its more frightening then sad. we said our goodbyes and i went to leave and then i got a call and found out i didnt need to leave. so i went back in and we decided to go see a movie. The hours. we went to the grove. walking past barnes and noble we see none other than Vanessa W. working. unsure of really what to do, we go in and say hello. the look on her face was... im not even sure. i dont know if it was shocked or annoyed or what, but it was definatly one of those things you dont want to miss. then the girl and i went to the movie. it was lovely. so sad. so beautiful. we went back to Barnes and Noble and i bought my mother a book and myself one. Vanessa checked us out and then we said goodbye to her and went to another diner. dessert. and espresso. our gay anger ridden waiter made fun on me. i ordered espresso and hes says "shes in a diner and shes ordering espresso? beverly hills is that way sista". i was somewhat appauled but i couldnt help but laugh. then he was dancing and shaking his ass. back to the apartment. it was midnight. i should have left then, but i didnt want to go. she showed me tarot cards and gemstones. we talked and looked through magazines. i left at 345 and got home around 415. i was exhausted, despite how much i kept telling her and myself i wasnt. driving home was tough. i kept the window down and let the morning air sting my face as i sped 100mph on the empty dark freeway. the last 4 miles were the hardest. my eyes kept saying let me close but i couldnt. i got home and didnt want to use the door because i didnt want the dogs to hear me and bark, and i didnt want my brother to hear me and see what time it was. i climbed in through my window and took off my shoes and belt and went to sleep. 630am came and the alarm went off and out of bed i rolled. i brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face. with the dull black eyeline i managed to smear some around my eyes, in attempt to make myself look half decent. i pulled on my coat and got my coffee and bid farewell to my brother. he made his way to work and i went to my mothers to give her the book i bought. she wasnt there. she didnt tell me she was leaving. i checked her out a book from my college library and she hasnt returned it. i knwo she will make me pay the fine too. i drove to the college, checking my messages on my phone since i rarely answered it at all yesterday. 6 messeges. none of real importance. i knew what they wanted. its the same thing all the time. my coffee splashed around and stains my floor moreso than it is. i light my ciggarette and park my car in the college lot. i open the first library book and start to read. soon my car smells of the sour stench of ciggarettes coffee and dirty clothes. i walk to the computer lab and i can feel and see the peoples eyes on me as i walk through the cubicles finding my own place to hide in. i choose number 29. everyone knows its my spot. hidden. here i sit. not much is on my mind. i think about yesterday. i think about today. about last year. about next year. tomorrow. the next day and wonder. is this my life? how did i get here? where am i going? i am happy. my phone is ringing. i pretend i do not hear it. time for another ciggarette. burn up. and then light another.
i went to class. i was tired. i couldnt get out of bed. the harder i tried the more tired i became. i just rolled out, ran across the driveway to my car to get some clothes. half naked. i could feel the early morning dew settling on my skin and i played with my keys to unlock the door. so serene so calm. everything is waking up and im the first to see it. even the dogs are still asleep in my brothers room. i went to go see my kittens. and i dressed in my half furnished room. no heat. the insulation of the house only keeps the cold air in. shaking as i put on my clothes i still manage to play with my kittens. their hair stuck to my clothes.
somehow i ended up at my grandmothers house. i think it was the thought of free food. first i went to deposit a check, from my mother. i stole from her. somehow i did. i went to pay for registration and was supose to charge my card, and she would reimburse me. i had 80 dollar credit. i didnt bother telling her that. so she wrote me the check.
i called that girl. Denean. a lovely girl. she told me to come. in the daylight. shes at her best in the daylight she says. i dont like to go out when the sun is high. i feel stripped of my energy, exposed. i like to hide in the shadows of the night, conceal myself from people, so they only see half of me. its better that way you know. we went to the observatory. its closed but the trails arent. she made me hike. its a funny thing when you are hikin up a mountain and still manage to smoke that ciggarette. i thought i lost my keys but my stupidity and not looking well through my purse led me to running back up the hill to find them in there, just sitting where i left them in that small purse. my lungs hurt from that. she took me to a diner, and bought me hashbrowns and espresso. it was lovely. then she managed to tell me wrong directions again, and get fussy when i make fun of her for it. at one point i just sat in the same spot at the dead end she took me too, with my head on the steering wheel ciggarette in hand and just counted to 10. i dont mind it. its more amusing than frustrating. we went to the library and she checked out books. 2 for me and 3for her i beleive. i started reading one of them. its lovely. it wastime to take her back home and for me to drive back to...nothing. we talked first and i was on the verge of tears thinking of some i guess memories from my childhood. its more frightening then sad. we said our goodbyes and i went to leave and then i got a call and found out i didnt need to leave. so i went back in and we decided to go see a movie. The hours. we went to the grove. walking past barnes and noble we see none other than Vanessa W. working. unsure of really what to do, we go in and say hello. the look on her face was... im not even sure. i dont know if it was shocked or annoyed or what, but it was definatly one of those things you dont want to miss. then the girl and i went to the movie. it was lovely. so sad. so beautiful. we went back to Barnes and Noble and i bought my mother a book and myself one. Vanessa checked us out and then we said goodbye to her and went to another diner. dessert. and espresso. our gay anger ridden waiter made fun on me. i ordered espresso and hes says "shes in a diner and shes ordering espresso? beverly hills is that way sista". i was somewhat appauled but i couldnt help but laugh. then he was dancing and shaking his ass. back to the apartment. it was midnight. i should have left then, but i didnt want to go. she showed me tarot cards and gemstones. we talked and looked through magazines. i left at 345 and got home around 415. i was exhausted, despite how much i kept telling her and myself i wasnt. driving home was tough. i kept the window down and let the morning air sting my face as i sped 100mph on the empty dark freeway. the last 4 miles were the hardest. my eyes kept saying let me close but i couldnt. i got home and didnt want to use the door because i didnt want the dogs to hear me and bark, and i didnt want my brother to hear me and see what time it was. i climbed in through my window and took off my shoes and belt and went to sleep. 630am came and the alarm went off and out of bed i rolled. i brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face. with the dull black eyeline i managed to smear some around my eyes, in attempt to make myself look half decent. i pulled on my coat and got my coffee and bid farewell to my brother. he made his way to work and i went to my mothers to give her the book i bought. she wasnt there. she didnt tell me she was leaving. i checked her out a book from my college library and she hasnt returned it. i knwo she will make me pay the fine too. i drove to the college, checking my messages on my phone since i rarely answered it at all yesterday. 6 messeges. none of real importance. i knew what they wanted. its the same thing all the time. my coffee splashed around and stains my floor moreso than it is. i light my ciggarette and park my car in the college lot. i open the first library book and start to read. soon my car smells of the sour stench of ciggarettes coffee and dirty clothes. i walk to the computer lab and i can feel and see the peoples eyes on me as i walk through the cubicles finding my own place to hide in. i choose number 29. everyone knows its my spot. hidden. here i sit. not much is on my mind. i think about yesterday. i think about today. about last year. about next year. tomorrow. the next day and wonder. is this my life? how did i get here? where am i going? i am happy. my phone is ringing. i pretend i do not hear it. time for another ciggarette. burn up. and then light another.
Thank You.