amitabha

Time: 11:04 PM
Drink: Water
Music: Jack Johnson - On and On

Knowledge of Self.... the title of a track I'm listening to randomly seems to have alot of relevance in a day when homophobic meatheads confront you, or emotionally unstable companions break down. Knowing yourself is important, I'm sure we'd all agree, but it's hard to really know yourself when you're only looking out from the inside and never really mirroring your actions for your own review. How can you be so blind to your own actions or emotions, I mean the ability to have corrective solutions after the fact is really quite useless, maybe it's time people think before they think, fuck the speak. If you want some, come and get some, and stop waiting for god to bless you with your coincidental bullshit, isn't it about time you realized the allegory idea of god as a simplistic way to represent governing ideas and principles... instead of some long white bearded man in the clouds moving us around and burning us with matches like a sick and twisted child does with his plastic army men? Your proving grounds remain where they were created.. in your head, and the only one stopping you from going to heaven is that fucked up self image you created back somewhere in your mind when you decided that you weren't powerful enough to change your own situation, so why not let someone else fix your problems for you...? Like god? It's like magic! Just pray and all your problems disappear! Well I have a better solution, but I dont know the exact formula for it.. the only thing I know is it has something to do with getting off your ass and actually taking steps to improve your situation. Prayer and crying for your solutions is about as useful as cutting off your legs unless you can realize the representations of those efforts and withdraw your faith in the imaginary absolute. Come on down to my magic store of tricks, where people pray for a simple fix and lay in waiting for their own actions to manifest, for those with physical motivations, you'll find, are truly blessed. There is something about the way that music moves me, and the way that I can dance for 7 hours without stopping, and transfer myself into a trancelike state. The way the vibrations of a bassline can pass through my body, and you ask why I dance so close to the speakers, but I still don't understand how you can stand there and not tune into this thing that moves me. But what really creates the rhythm that starts in my mind, and blinks my legs and body into motion isn't so much the music, but as I think of it, my explanation doesn't really matter. It's something I've felt for as long as I can remember, and it's mine. It might not be yours.. But it all comes back to what I was talking about, about knowledge of self, and knowing what you want, what you can give, and what you are capable of doing. I still don't fully know myself.. doubt that I ever will., or that I ever want to .. I think if I ever fully know myself it will mean that I've stopped growing, and more than anything else I want to always grow, always reach for something higher, never compromise, not for anyone. I realized the elementary lesson that when I compromise what I want, I'm only cheating myself... Its not something that hasn't been right in front of my face, but I guess it's just something I try to ignore to get the things that I really want, or think I want.