americanzero

Life is a little unsettling at them moment. My mother's surgery was a success, but the oncologist feels the form of cancer she has is agressive and she needs kemo and radiation, the course is like a year, and you know what, that's the good news.

My father had a series of massive strokes Tuesday night and died in the wee hours of Friday morning. I rushed from Los Angeles on Thursay to the hospital he was sent to in Chattanooga Tenn. to see him before they removed him life support, he was brain dead after two surgeries to stop bleeding and swelling in his brain. He was only 59. I can count the number of times I have hugged him in my life on one hand, but I hugged him in the hospital bed and absolutly bawled... My step-mother and two half brother waited all day from me and were completely strung out. I am back in the LA and complete overwhelmed. I can feel the grip of depression, the desire to just sleep endlessly, but I can't, I just keep waking up. I think maybe I am having bad dreams that I can't remember.

The new career I have embarked upon is not going well, the real estate marketing sputtering and I am not getting any work or making any money, which further exacerbates my feelings of nervousness and dismay.

I can think of lots of snappy things to say about the philosiphy behind the cycle of life and that's what I respond with when people offer condolences. But the truth is I don't know what to say or how to feel...