I had a weird dream last night. I woke up crying at like 630 am, but it wasn't really a nightmare or anything. and all day long I have been holding back tears, I am assuming from what my dream was about, or maybe I just really feel like crud.
Its hard to explain my dream, i am fuzzy on details. But the character Ed from Season one of the walking dead the TV show, that guy was in my dream, same personality and all. and then hockey moms as well. and my sons haven't played hockey in over a year. Anyways, the gist of my dream was that people were talking about me behind my back complaining that i am too happy and too perky. This is actually a statement i have gotten many times in my life. My husband even said he would describe me as bubbly.
I do not think i am this way at all. Maybe when I am around kids, especially babies, but I feel like I am cynical and intelligent with highlights of goofy. Internally I feel like I am dark person, not looking to cause harm or anything, but I really see a lot of horror in the world and its what I tend to focus on. but I guess that's all internal.
I remember a few years back, one of my friends introduced me to some of her other friends, and there was this underlying tone of she warned them that I am weird, and here for their entertainment. I had so many of them comment to me throughout the night something along the lines of "oh you are so much more normal than I was expecting you to be." I don't know what they were told ahead of time, but its sort of stuck in the back of my head all these years that my friend really doesn't think much of me.
I don't know why, but its really causing me to be emotional that people don't get me, or know me. Like, not even my husband?
So anyways, I have somehow made it through a few rounds on the face of horror contest. I have a feeling that I will get cut this next round, because I have to make it into the top 5 to move forward, and I am at 8th place right now. if you have facebook you can vote, its one free vote every 24 hours Jacquelynn wolfheart | Face Of Horror.
and the 2 stressors in my life at the moment. 1. amazon 2. the festival.
When i made my film, we were told it would be on amazon prime video, and we would get a certain amount paid plus then a certain amount per hour watched. Well they put it only on amazon video, not prime video. which means people have to pay to watch it, and we didn't get a check for it. I was told they will move it to prime video closer to mid sept of this year. Well its past mid sept. Its still not on prime, I still haven't gotten a check, and my cast and crew are getting pissed that they haven't gotten paid. Honestly they are being very nice about it. But in general, every time they as for an update it stresses me out because I don't have money for them, and it makes me feel like a fraud.
And the festival, like in general its been fun, but we have until oct 15 to make $2000 more dollars or we don't get the option to buy the festival. Now, I don't mean we are short $2k, my husband does well and we have the money to buy the festival, but as part of our contract we were to secure submissions and sponsors for a certain amount by certain dates in order to move forward. We are falling short. I have put so much work and time into this it would really suck to have to end it before it starts. So if you know anybody that has something they should be submitting to festivals send them my way! Books, poems, scripts, basically any form of writing. Films, shorts and features, social media content, umm umm photography, game creation, and podcast. That's all the areas we take submissions for. www.wolfmediafest.com www.filmfreeway.com/wolfmediafestival
and of course here is our podcast. (1) Ep 7: Across the Pond and Beyond: A Journey with Writer Rosie Sedgwick - YouTube
Hope life is treating you all good. Thanks for listening to my rant.
