Its funny how my personal believes can change from day to day. Perhaps they change to suit specific needs, or maybe its more of you live you learn type of thing.
My view on love (romantic love) has changed so much, Im actually not sure what I really believe anymore. At one point I thought that there was only one true love for people out there, and that if you ever fell out of love with that person than it means you were never truly in love.
There was another time I felt like love isnt real, its just some fairy tale that doesnt exists, and really when people thought they were in love it just meant that they found the person that they can use in some way to get ahead in life-on some level.
Then I thought love is real. There are just many types of love, and you can fall in love with many different people.
Another time I thought love is real, but you have only one true love with the ability to love many others just not on that same deepness as your true love.
I think at the moment I want to believe love isnt real, but really my heart is leaning towards combining all my different thoughts.
heres a copy of my journal on... a different website. Its about my trip.
So I just took a trip up to Siliverdale WA. I went up there for work purposes, but it turned out to be a waste of time. But I kinda had a feeling that I wouldn't get much work done, but it would still be a great place to vacation with my kids. Our hotel is called the Siliverdale Beach Hotel, and their ad showed things like children building sand castles, and lots of family friendly type things. Well, their ad was totally fake. I was in northern WA...there arent sandy beaches in northern WA. So my kids didnt get to build sand castles like my 3 year old has been talking about for months now. The kids did have super fun though, just walking on the rocks and looking at all the shells.
anyways, so I really got 0% of work done. This means 1) i dont get reimbursed for my hotel expenses, 2) I dont get to write off any of my gas expenses which was over 200$, and 3) none of my food and other expenses were covered. I would normally be ok with this, except if I were picking my vacation spot Siliverdale WA is not where I would have chosen to go. Sorry Silverdale, but you suck.
There was a highlight to my trip though. A friend from the past lives up there (the same one that I talked about from my last trip near Seattle). I told myself before I even when up there that I would avoid him at all cost. I just end up with a broken heart every time. But we started texting shortly after I got there. At that moment I promised myself that I will just keep it as texting, and I will not see him...well by midnight he was up in my hotel room. And at the point I told myself "i will not have sex with him, we will just hang out.' I think for the most part i am a pretty in control person, but there is just something about him; his smile, his laugh, his voice, the words he uses, the things he talks about, his smell, his touch, his taste, his feel, the list could go on and on...just every thing about him turns me on. I was so nervous when he walked in the room. I was literally shaking. Which made me feel like a dumbass, plus when i see him my brain kind of shuts off, and i get all hyper and spastic. No body can make me cum like he can though. And we both knew what he came there for, so I got started. Usually he bolts right after we do anything. Always has some excuse, and this time was practically the same. He got a text message a few min after we finish, which I am sure was a preplanned texted. Im sure he told some one to text him at a certain time so he as a reason to leave. as soon as I heard his phone vibrate, my heart sunk because I already knew what was coming. He said he had to leave, but my heart wasnt ready for him to go yet. I kept starting conversations to keep him hanging around. My efforts only worked for so long. From the time he knocked on my door to the time he left was a total of 39min. I am not even worth a full hour of his time, and I remind myself constantly that I am nothing but a vagina to him and I will never be anything more, but for some reason I keep going back to him, with hopes of at least an hour of his time...thats not just us fucking or me sucking his dick. Now he isnt even talking to me, and Im sure it will be a few months at minimum before I hear from him again.
One thing that kinda sucks is I have a person who is completely in love with me, and would do anything for me and my kids, but I just can't feel the same way for him. I kinda think thats the same type of thing with my booty call guy. I would do anything for him, but its obvious he doesnt feel that same way.
I would post pic, but 100% of them have my kids in them, and i have decided to stop posting pix of my kids on here.
also, dont forget to vote for me. I dont really think I am gunna win, nor do I want to win (i mean it would be nice to win, its just not a want). I just liking seeing how i float through the pages lol http://www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/1258
thanks for reading this
My view on love (romantic love) has changed so much, Im actually not sure what I really believe anymore. At one point I thought that there was only one true love for people out there, and that if you ever fell out of love with that person than it means you were never truly in love.
There was another time I felt like love isnt real, its just some fairy tale that doesnt exists, and really when people thought they were in love it just meant that they found the person that they can use in some way to get ahead in life-on some level.
Then I thought love is real. There are just many types of love, and you can fall in love with many different people.
Another time I thought love is real, but you have only one true love with the ability to love many others just not on that same deepness as your true love.
I think at the moment I want to believe love isnt real, but really my heart is leaning towards combining all my different thoughts.
heres a copy of my journal on... a different website. Its about my trip.
So I just took a trip up to Siliverdale WA. I went up there for work purposes, but it turned out to be a waste of time. But I kinda had a feeling that I wouldn't get much work done, but it would still be a great place to vacation with my kids. Our hotel is called the Siliverdale Beach Hotel, and their ad showed things like children building sand castles, and lots of family friendly type things. Well, their ad was totally fake. I was in northern WA...there arent sandy beaches in northern WA. So my kids didnt get to build sand castles like my 3 year old has been talking about for months now. The kids did have super fun though, just walking on the rocks and looking at all the shells.
anyways, so I really got 0% of work done. This means 1) i dont get reimbursed for my hotel expenses, 2) I dont get to write off any of my gas expenses which was over 200$, and 3) none of my food and other expenses were covered. I would normally be ok with this, except if I were picking my vacation spot Siliverdale WA is not where I would have chosen to go. Sorry Silverdale, but you suck.
There was a highlight to my trip though. A friend from the past lives up there (the same one that I talked about from my last trip near Seattle). I told myself before I even when up there that I would avoid him at all cost. I just end up with a broken heart every time. But we started texting shortly after I got there. At that moment I promised myself that I will just keep it as texting, and I will not see him...well by midnight he was up in my hotel room. And at the point I told myself "i will not have sex with him, we will just hang out.' I think for the most part i am a pretty in control person, but there is just something about him; his smile, his laugh, his voice, the words he uses, the things he talks about, his smell, his touch, his taste, his feel, the list could go on and on...just every thing about him turns me on. I was so nervous when he walked in the room. I was literally shaking. Which made me feel like a dumbass, plus when i see him my brain kind of shuts off, and i get all hyper and spastic. No body can make me cum like he can though. And we both knew what he came there for, so I got started. Usually he bolts right after we do anything. Always has some excuse, and this time was practically the same. He got a text message a few min after we finish, which I am sure was a preplanned texted. Im sure he told some one to text him at a certain time so he as a reason to leave. as soon as I heard his phone vibrate, my heart sunk because I already knew what was coming. He said he had to leave, but my heart wasnt ready for him to go yet. I kept starting conversations to keep him hanging around. My efforts only worked for so long. From the time he knocked on my door to the time he left was a total of 39min. I am not even worth a full hour of his time, and I remind myself constantly that I am nothing but a vagina to him and I will never be anything more, but for some reason I keep going back to him, with hopes of at least an hour of his time...thats not just us fucking or me sucking his dick. Now he isnt even talking to me, and Im sure it will be a few months at minimum before I hear from him again.
One thing that kinda sucks is I have a person who is completely in love with me, and would do anything for me and my kids, but I just can't feel the same way for him. I kinda think thats the same type of thing with my booty call guy. I would do anything for him, but its obvious he doesnt feel that same way.
I would post pic, but 100% of them have my kids in them, and i have decided to stop posting pix of my kids on here.
also, dont forget to vote for me. I dont really think I am gunna win, nor do I want to win (i mean it would be nice to win, its just not a want). I just liking seeing how i float through the pages lol http://www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/1258
thanks for reading this
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
As far as your story goes, I've been on both sides that fence and it's amazing the shit that we do to ourselves and others. I can't believe how many times I've ran away from love going after someone who didn't give a shit about me. Or ignoring those friends that I had while trying to rekindle a friendship that I ruined. Amazing...and saddening.
Your blogs are great!!!