I am alone in this world, with no hope to hold me up in my dark times. Its hard to stay strong with tears in your eyes and no air in your lungs.
I finally told my mother that I am an SG, only because she was asking me sooo many questions about my trip to seattle a few weeks ago. At first she didnt seem..any thing. Just was like "you are better then that" and that was about all she said. But then a 2nd phone call took place. I got questions like "What if your brothers see you on there?"...They knew I was SG from day one..."what if your father saw you"...he too has known for some time...
She is pretty much the last person to find out, aside from my very young siblings. Then it came, "What kind of a mother are you where you would display such nasty pictures of yourself all over the web?! Do you even love your children? Are you trying to ruin there lives? Do you realize the danger you put your kids lives in? the danger you have put your own life in?"
I became an SG like 3 or 4 years ago, and nothing but good positive things have come out it for me. But in my head i keep playing over and over "do you even love your children" and "do you realize the danger you put there lives in"
I honestly don't feel that I have put our lives in danger, but fear is starting to seep in. My children are my life.
My mother also said things like "I looked at the site, and it is full of ugly girls who are just wanna be playboy models" and "The only reason anybody would do it is because they enjoy negative attention."
Ugly girls....I am one of those girls, and I am very proud of it.
We are better then playboy, we are real.
I admit the site has changed its focus some since i first joined in 2005, but how is being told "you are beautiful for being you" negative attention?
Not only that, my resent trip to NH didnt go so well...its a very long lead up story, so here is the short hand; My children were going to get the meet their big brother for the first time. After spending over 3000$ on this trip, flying across the country with 2 small children, the boys mother said "you can not see him until i consult a child psychologist" It was her idea 8 weeks earlier for me to fly out there. She had plenty of time to change her mind, but its not like her son is the first kid on the planet to come for a divorced family, or to have half siblings. It was also then and there that i decided i no longer wanted to even be friends with my sons' father. We had been broken up for a while now, but getting along very well as friends and parents. But he didnt even do anything to try to get his son from his ex wife. It was his legal visitation day. He lacks passion.
I guess im done venting for now. This doesnt really even touch base with my emotions right now, or whats going on in side me. But it was fun to bitch for a moment.
I finally told my mother that I am an SG, only because she was asking me sooo many questions about my trip to seattle a few weeks ago. At first she didnt seem..any thing. Just was like "you are better then that" and that was about all she said. But then a 2nd phone call took place. I got questions like "What if your brothers see you on there?"...They knew I was SG from day one..."what if your father saw you"...he too has known for some time...
She is pretty much the last person to find out, aside from my very young siblings. Then it came, "What kind of a mother are you where you would display such nasty pictures of yourself all over the web?! Do you even love your children? Are you trying to ruin there lives? Do you realize the danger you put your kids lives in? the danger you have put your own life in?"
I became an SG like 3 or 4 years ago, and nothing but good positive things have come out it for me. But in my head i keep playing over and over "do you even love your children" and "do you realize the danger you put there lives in"
I honestly don't feel that I have put our lives in danger, but fear is starting to seep in. My children are my life.
My mother also said things like "I looked at the site, and it is full of ugly girls who are just wanna be playboy models" and "The only reason anybody would do it is because they enjoy negative attention."
Ugly girls....I am one of those girls, and I am very proud of it.
We are better then playboy, we are real.
I admit the site has changed its focus some since i first joined in 2005, but how is being told "you are beautiful for being you" negative attention?
Not only that, my resent trip to NH didnt go so well...its a very long lead up story, so here is the short hand; My children were going to get the meet their big brother for the first time. After spending over 3000$ on this trip, flying across the country with 2 small children, the boys mother said "you can not see him until i consult a child psychologist" It was her idea 8 weeks earlier for me to fly out there. She had plenty of time to change her mind, but its not like her son is the first kid on the planet to come for a divorced family, or to have half siblings. It was also then and there that i decided i no longer wanted to even be friends with my sons' father. We had been broken up for a while now, but getting along very well as friends and parents. But he didnt even do anything to try to get his son from his ex wife. It was his legal visitation day. He lacks passion.
I guess im done venting for now. This doesnt really even touch base with my emotions right now, or whats going on in side me. But it was fun to bitch for a moment.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
It's always darkest before dawn. <3
i guess what i am trying to say is neither you, or any SG mom should hold any shame. you are mindful and loving--you put it all into your children--by that alone, you are a wonderful mother, and there is still so much to you.
keep being who you are always and trying to do right like you do--it all is absorbed by your children, and none can smear that good work, such things are beyond contest.
~Much love.