amelinda

a few pix from the convention, that i stole from people i look like crap in that pic..oh well i guess

those are really just a few that i hunted down on myspace....

I'm totally having a shit moment. I often think of death, and if I didn't love my kids so much, I would surely be dead right now, and thinking that I put the burden of my life on my young children's shoulders only makes me feel guilty and want to die even more.
I always have so much on my plate, and it really wearing me down lately. I hate being single, but I really don't have time to go looking for the next asshole to break my heart, and its hard to stay strong to those who I am already familiar with, but have repeatedly hurt me.
I'd like one day that my heart doesn't cry. One day that my smile isn't fake. One day that I can just be happy. I hate hiding so my kids can't see me cry...I hate crying.
I realize that I am the only one that can make myself happy, but it's hard when I'm stuck in this shy rut.
I have not stopped having chest pains since the SG convention. It truly was the most fun I've had in years, but I think I have secluded myself so much that I don't know how to handle being in public.