ameli_alkaline

There are some times that I wonder who really am I and what do I want from life and myself.
Today it was my best friend's nameday and we went at his home, where he had invited some friends. Me and my boyfriend were invited by some friend to another party afterwards. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to the other party so I called a friend asking her if she had any plans for tonight. She told me that she was planning to go some place with Greek live music but I wasn't in the mood for too much noise. The idea of going home and watch a movie was perfect to me. So after a couple of hours we left my best friend's place to go to the other party. We got a little bit lost and finally we took the train and I finally decided to go home and my boy at the party.
Right now I'm sitting at home in front of my computer and I'm feeling desperatly sad and confused. The problem is I don't know the reason I feel this way. It isn't that I didn't go to that party because I already know that I would get bored to the bone and then I think that maybe I should have gone and then I prefer being home and later I regret it again...
What's wrong with me?I can't find what is it I want right now and I'm feeling bad about everything, even myself. I'm feeling alone even though it's my decision..Oh my God, I feel so,so sad..

"This house is full of ears,
but I can't talk to anyone.
They've heard this one a thousand times.
most exciting thing I do,
hang half way out a third floor window,
Maybe throw lit cigarettes down.
and maybe I'll catch fire. something warm to hold me,
something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind.."
Alkaline trio
Maybe I'l catch fire