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ambrose03

Lanstool, Germany

Member Since 2003

Followers 7 Following 12

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Wednesday Jan 25, 2006

Jan 25, 2006
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I don't get it...I just don't fucking get it.

I am out there trying to find a certain someone. opening my self up to rejection after rejection. Disapointment after disapointment. Constitently pushing my self to point where I yearn to pick up my razor again to lessen the pain. I'm a good guy, not perfect, but a good decent guy. After realizing that being me doesn't seem to work, I tried to join em since I couldn't beat em, and become more like the typical sex hungry guy....more rejection and disappointment. That doesn't work. The very few times I have found someone interested in me, I have either A) fucked it up, B) they are with someone or C) they got married the week before (that has only happened once). Lairs and hypocrites....thats what they are. Saying they want I nice guy, a guy who will cheris them, spoil them, love them, and be there for them. THEY IGNORE THOSE GUYS!! Instead they hook up with those that lair to them cheat on them, and disrepect them. Yet again I see a girl return to a guy who cheated on her....who broke her heart....who was the reason she sliced her veins...so be it...

I work my ass off to keep my mother in her home. I sacrifice What little free time I have to be with them when I could instead be with friends. I suffer through emotional pain that almost destroyed me a few years ago in my quest.....for nothing....Why do I do this you ask? For sex? no. For companionship, to know that there is someone out there who is thinking about me as much as I think about them. Someone who just wants to be near me. Someone who makes me think that maybe just maybe i do belong here, that I just wasn't an after thought, a mistake, a forgotten soul that snuck by.Instead I find shallowness and self decit, People who would rather have an apperence then substance.

I look on the inside and see an increasing amount of ash as I slowly burn out from within....

thus ends what will most likely be my last entry for a while
jenya:
dude, i thought you said you were going to delay this quest for awhile

and like i said along time ago, a larger percetage of women wisen up when they get older

i AM one of those women who likes nice guys. the proof is in the pudding. or something like that.
Jan 25, 2006

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