ambie

I had a really nice weekend. Although I have to pack now. But first I need to thank the earth because I was very lucky.
My sisters idiot boyfriend pulled out in front of someone Sunday night and they hit her side of the car, she is so lucky to be alive with only a sprained arm.
Sunday night also my cousin, Sharid, had his throat slit. I dont know much but he is alive, and I really can not explain how I feel. He has been very heavily into drugs and dumb shit for a long time, I don't think he was innocent in what happened. There is no reason for this though. I don't understand what can drive a man to slit anothers throat.... that is the most heinouse act I can think of...
Sharid and I havn't been close in a long time but we still.... have something. He is my family, one I know all too well. I can only hope he recovers fully.

When I was a sophmore in high school I dated this boy, and we went out on double dates with his best friend Dustin very often. I havn't spoke to Dustin in about 5 years. He died of a brain tumor Saturday night. Again, I do not know how to feel. The brain tumor was just found about two months ago... he was only 22.

I don't believe in a god or a higher being, I can't. It is times like this that make me that way, and it times like this I wish I knew where to turn or to what.

I spent most of the weekend at Tommys parents house. They have 64 acres of beautiful country. I learned how to ride his moms horse yesterday. It was an experiance unlike any other. I grew up in the country, and thats where I want to be. I really want to move home right now. But I am also really scared, I havn't been like this in so long. I am being so lazy about doing all of the things I need to do. Renting my UHAUL truck, getting boxes, packing. I have never planned something like this before. The past two years was more of a "throw the shit in the car and go" kind of thing. I need to take pictures! Soon!

Seriosly, if anyone wants to come over tommorow night and help me I would greatly appreciate it. bring boxes.