amberxrose

i dont know why im writing this...i dont really think its for anyone to read maybe just to ease my mind..it may not make sense to any of you and im sorry for that.... .i found out today about an hour ago that my best friend johanna got engaged..i just talked to her on wednesday...i asked her when he was going to ask her and she said sometime within the next 2 months...little did we know it would be the next day!. to know what she looks like go back a couple journal entrys and look for a picture which is girls from home...shes on the left side...red shirt...absolutly beautiful, and the sincercest of friends ive ever had. amazing wonderful beautiful and charming. I am so very happy for her and i know shes will make an amazing wife, but for some reason i cant stop crying. none of you know me....but let me tell you something about myself. i love where i come from. my home in vermont is the place that my soul feels at ease. and my friends there make my life happy and make me have that warm feeling inside your bones thats called love. i hold my friends closets to my heart for they are my family. i chose to go to school in the south..i made that decision...at the time i needed to get away, but times like these i feel both homesick and like im missing out of important things that i should be there for. March, the man shes marrying, ive never meet, when he went to vermont to meet us all...i was here and couldnt go home becasue it was to far. When he went to nantucket to see us...i wasnt able to go due to work. I find it odd that ive never met the man that my best friend is going to marry, it dosent sit right with me, my other best friend stephanie tells me hes good to her and her parents love him, which means alot in my book since they are a classy family with morals and values, so if they love him he has to be amazing. i dont really know where im going with this, i think that this week of being alone, topped off with being away from the people i love as well as missing out of one of the biggest moments of my best friends life has just suddenly hit me. I keep thinking to myself that theres no place like home, and even i know how ridiculas that is.....its not even that her or steph are in vermont....stephs in ohio and johanns is new orleans,,both at school....i just think i needed to go home, to see people and to be able to feel familiar. i know i sound crazy and i know i just need to shutup, i just miss home and i miss my friends and wish i could be there to share things like this with them, let me tell you as soon as im done with this bullshit they call college im on the first flight home. i always found it odd that some of my friends in college never wanted to go home, that they came so far away to escape whatever it was that awasnt making them happy their..but that just wasnt the case for me. im so glad i spent this time away, but im ready for it to be done, and dont think this is like a family thing...my mum moved to london so its not even like i have a family in vermont to go to..so no im not being a baby, i just miss my friends, i miss my house,,,i miss my family i miss lazy days and mud season, i just need to go home...did you know that in 3 years of college ive been home 3 times.....3......ive seen my best friends so little in the past 3 years but we;re still as close as we ever were and i just feel so far away from them all...i feel out of the loop...i know how this all sounds...and as i said before i dont know why im bothering to write this...maybe is because you guys cant really judge me...or tell me im being a baby...you either read or you dont...so i thank you for reading if you did ....and know that i just get like this sometimes.......im hopelessly attached to the idea of home and comfort and when things like this happen that are so important i get sad that i was not there to partake in it.................................

the happy couple....


and the huge ring!!


sorry for the ranting...bypass this journal entry