amberice

I've had one hell of a morning and I've now escaped to SG-land to vent about it.

If none of you know, I have a very severe heart problem. It's an electrical problem that basically flat-lines my heart or sends it into an extremely slow heart beat for hours at a time. It's a rare condition, so rare that I have no name for my condition and I have a pacemaker to keep me alive now. The closest I can relate is WPW syndrome.

I spent most of my free time in hospitals and cardiologist offices searching for answers and never found them until I was 18. I had been treated so badly by the doctors out here in AZ that it was a last-ditch effort to see a prestigious electrophysiologist in Texas. It put my entire life on hold. (At the time I was attending N.A.U. with a dual major in physics and astronomy.) Anyways, we found our answers there with Dr. Ali who took all of a half an hour and half of my medical records to deduce that I was going to die without a device.

Right after I came home from Texas we had to follow up with a cardiologist and since we'd seen so many I told my mother I didn't care. Just schedule me with some asshole and get it over with. When I met my new cardiologist for the first time I nearly died laughing. The man is almost 350 lbs! And brilliant, funny, kind. He was the first doctor that actually cared about my quality of life and making sure that I was able to live a fully functional life. Not to mention he was a giant nerd, definitely spoke my language. We'd joke every time I went in with a new hair color because he had a hilarious new pair of glasses! Dude was my buddy. And dude was a huge trek fan.

It was decided in November of last year that my septum and sinus cavity had to be operated on due to airway blockages and a whole lot of other mess. Aren't genetics great!? Of course I had to be cleared by every single doctor that sees me regularly. I even went to my badass cardiologist to ask him for a referral to a good surgeon and that's how I found my other wonderful surgeon. So with all of my clearances all done and ready all I had to do was wait until the 8th of December for surgery.
BUT two days before I received a strange call stating that my cardiologist is no longer practicing and that he'd handed me over to the practice in which he'd been working. This practice was a move for him so I know ZERO of anybody else there.

I was devastated. It took me years to find a doctor that I was comfortable with.

And now, this month, I have begun the look for yet another cardiologist and after leaving my appointment with a new doc this morning I am on the verge of an anxiety attack.

I am very lost right now, very insecure. This is one of the most important things in my life, not an easy decision by any means. I'm terrified I won't find another doc that will give me the care that I desperately need. I've already gone 2 months without. I don't want to leave AZ but the East Coast is looking like the place where I need to be for a problem like mine.

So now, I leave you with pictures of me from the months following my pacemaker operation. This is the time when my life changed the most.