altamedic

The ranting. Enough is enough for me. I have totally accepted that i am FAT! not cuddly, not cute, not average or a few extra pounds, but FAT! now before you all roll your eyes and such let me explain some things here and i hope i can show you what i mean and where i am coming from. This is very very hard to write for me. all my life i have been made fun of, and put down. Now you would think that after 33 years of this happening, one would be used to it. Im not as i am finding out. Out here at the rig i made the mistake one day of telling the 2nd cook that it has been 9 years since i was intimate with a woman. For the last 2 months now, everyday i go up to camp to have breakfast or lunch or supper, she bugs me about it. Ok, so its only a small thing but after awhile it picks at you till you cant take it anymore. But the thing that finally broke the back so to speak, is that the rig crew here found out that there is a tranny living just down the road here from us. Now i have a total open mind to ALL things sexual. well okie im not open minded to beastiality and people who abuse children, those piss me off royaly. but whatever your sexuality is its your bussness and if your happy then all the more power to you. Anyway for the last 24 hours, the rig crew have been saying things like Hey why dont you go over there for a quick blowjob? or Hey its been 9 years im sure he/she will put out!!. and those are the nice things these guys are saying. Now i dont know if im just tired and stressed out and such, but this is really been pissin me off. I accept whatever people are like, and try to accept people for who they are inside and not just outside. All i ask is to be treated like that. Is it too much to ask for?

KK a quick example of what happens in my life. Now this is something that started over the internet and went to face to face but it still hurt. I met, um ill call her "lisa", anyway lisa and i have been talking over the internet for about a year now. I never sent her a pic of me and she never sent one of her until recently. We emailed each other like 2 times a day, and talked on messenger at least once every three for hours. I really fell for her and wanted desprately to meet face to face. She seemed to be everything i wanted in a soulmate and felt that she had the same feelings for me. Well on the day i sent her a few pics of me *no not naked or anything like that* her next email to me was pretty bad. she said things like you fat fucking pig, god damn slob, piece of walking trash. things like that which hurt badly. when we talked before i was honest and said i was a big cuddly guy, i was large but losing the wieght. well, i guess it was not ment to be.

You all know how hard it is to lose the wieght and the size once you have gotten "big". im not saying its impossible, just very hard. I have been trying for 2 years now and i have gone from 354 lbs to 285. not bad, but even now i dont like myself like i should. and having people, strangers, co workers, so called friends, bug me about it ALL the time is just starting to get to me. I think they should back off and let me keep trying. or at least send some encouragement. It might go a long way


sorry this is such a shitty blog, and please believe me when i say i appreicate greatly adn truely all the wonderful friendships i have found here. You ladies are totally and completely awesome as i said in the last blog, but i just kinda needed to vent. I just spent like an hour doing this and its not very long. Alot of deleting has happened and this is what i came up with.

Until we meet

Warm wishes from the great white north