So I'm in the process of realizing why I've been so unmotivated this semester. As an artist (writer), I need to believe in the concepts of truth and beauty, essential good, self, soul. I need to believe that we are somehow all connected, that there is infinate meaning in the grease stains on the gas attendant's hand, or in the drunken bear's dance (the whole bear thing comes directly out of class today, by the way). I'm attracted to this, and I find immense comfort within them.
At the same time, I'm a post-modernist, post-construcitonist feminist. I believe that attributing things to higher power, or the universe, or the cosmos, or whatever else is a cop out, a way to stop oneself from thinking and realizing and deconstructing the world around us. For teasing out this specific meaning instead of getting a sense of gravity or importance that I don't quite understand. I write off these ideas I also embrace as liberal (not in the curse word created by conservatives sense, in the individualism, equal opportunity, individual responsibility sense) and essentializing, a product of modernity. Yet I'm miserable without them, though I'm unable to accept them without a bitter sneer.
I need to reconcile these two parts of myself, and I have no fucking clue how. And until then, I can't make myself care about anything.
At the same time, I'm a post-modernist, post-construcitonist feminist. I believe that attributing things to higher power, or the universe, or the cosmos, or whatever else is a cop out, a way to stop oneself from thinking and realizing and deconstructing the world around us. For teasing out this specific meaning instead of getting a sense of gravity or importance that I don't quite understand. I write off these ideas I also embrace as liberal (not in the curse word created by conservatives sense, in the individualism, equal opportunity, individual responsibility sense) and essentializing, a product of modernity. Yet I'm miserable without them, though I'm unable to accept them without a bitter sneer.
I need to reconcile these two parts of myself, and I have no fucking clue how. And until then, I can't make myself care about anything.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
if you're going to philosophize
you *totally* need to do it
when i'm there
there is absolutely *nothing*
i love better
than a good existential chat
ok
maybe 69'ing
but that's it
it was awesome
hanging out with you
i think you're totally cool
and thus
here is my take
on your quandry
there is a higher power
we are all connected
but this higher power
whoever she/he/it is
really *wants* us
to make our own decisions
cut our own path through life
just because there is
a connecting spark in all of us
doesn't mean
that we still don't control our destinies
that's my belief anyway
ponder that
and let's chat about it sometime
take care....
i've been quite concerned with Social Security. No monEy for me
so, yeah, that women was living by herself and most of her conversation consisted of her recently deceased friends.....and pain.....and crazy rollerblading children. hm. i'd probably be dead before then anyway. Yay
[Edited on Dec 08, 2004 2:43AM]