We took some drugs again today. Now we are sitting in bed watching sitcom reruns on Channel 27. In a few hours dating games will be on and we can live vicariously. But for now, its all situation comedy. Retro style. Bring on the Beav.
You want to go out?
No.
Stay in again?
No answer. Inactivity is an answer. Stagnation a solution. The solution.
She scratches her nose and laughs and looks like she might vomit, but she wont. My toxic rag doll that all the arsenic and sarin in the world would not phase. I put my arm around her and imagine myself hugging a cockroach, the sole survivors of a botched nuclear age.
Dont touch me right now. I cant breathe.
Fair enough. I take my hand off her shoulder and use it scratch my crotch. My crotch? Sure. Why not?
You want to go smoke a cigarette?
No, I dont smoke. Ill sit with you.
Down the stairs and out the door. Outside is cold like snow. Actually, it is snow. Here? Surprising.
Light me one, too.
I like it when you smoke.
I laugh a little. For real. Thats a funny thing to say to someone. Wait should there have been quotation marks there?
Im sorry. Thats horrible.
Horrible? Whore-able. Or able. Oracle
Are you going to take this or not?
I startle apologize take it from her hand. I lean in to kiss her and realize I am standing up and she is sitting down and I almost fall over, not quite on her so much as across her. I crouch down, knees on concrete with a little thud. Gentle, no serious damage done. No kiss, though. Its too late for that sort of thing now. Goddamn it, do I look stupid? What is she expecting?
Sit down before you hurt yourself.
Im still standing. Nodding. Nodding yes or no? Just nodding.
That sweater is funny.
A gift from someone. Not quite Mr. Rogers maybe a little Kurt Cobain, especially if I were to slash the sleeves a little. Yeah, like a rockstar.
Like a rockstar?
What?
She puts her cigarette out on the sole of her shoe and looks through me. Honestly, is there all that much there to block the other side? In physics class they taught us that the universe is made up almost entirely of empty space. All that empty space, not just around us, but inside of us.
You havent even taken a puff, yet.
I dont fucking want it.
You already lit it.
Well, I dont fucking want it.
She looks away at the sky, but there arent any stars here this close to the city. Maybe a couple. Osiris belt. Polaris. Pole air is. All air is
Is what?
Startled again. What?
All air is what?
Empty.
Those looks that ask you things like, Are you still here? or, Are you dying?
I want to shoot up.
Baby?
Yeah?
Lets go push off.
Havent you had enough?
Think. Carefully. Yes, no.
You?
No.
Yeah, thats right no.
Okay.
You want to go out?
No.
Stay in again?
No answer. Inactivity is an answer. Stagnation a solution. The solution.
She scratches her nose and laughs and looks like she might vomit, but she wont. My toxic rag doll that all the arsenic and sarin in the world would not phase. I put my arm around her and imagine myself hugging a cockroach, the sole survivors of a botched nuclear age.
Dont touch me right now. I cant breathe.
Fair enough. I take my hand off her shoulder and use it scratch my crotch. My crotch? Sure. Why not?
You want to go smoke a cigarette?
No, I dont smoke. Ill sit with you.
Down the stairs and out the door. Outside is cold like snow. Actually, it is snow. Here? Surprising.
Light me one, too.
I like it when you smoke.
I laugh a little. For real. Thats a funny thing to say to someone. Wait should there have been quotation marks there?
Im sorry. Thats horrible.
Horrible? Whore-able. Or able. Oracle
Are you going to take this or not?
I startle apologize take it from her hand. I lean in to kiss her and realize I am standing up and she is sitting down and I almost fall over, not quite on her so much as across her. I crouch down, knees on concrete with a little thud. Gentle, no serious damage done. No kiss, though. Its too late for that sort of thing now. Goddamn it, do I look stupid? What is she expecting?
Sit down before you hurt yourself.
Im still standing. Nodding. Nodding yes or no? Just nodding.
That sweater is funny.
A gift from someone. Not quite Mr. Rogers maybe a little Kurt Cobain, especially if I were to slash the sleeves a little. Yeah, like a rockstar.
Like a rockstar?
What?
She puts her cigarette out on the sole of her shoe and looks through me. Honestly, is there all that much there to block the other side? In physics class they taught us that the universe is made up almost entirely of empty space. All that empty space, not just around us, but inside of us.
You havent even taken a puff, yet.
I dont fucking want it.
You already lit it.
Well, I dont fucking want it.
She looks away at the sky, but there arent any stars here this close to the city. Maybe a couple. Osiris belt. Polaris. Pole air is. All air is
Is what?
Startled again. What?
All air is what?
Empty.
Those looks that ask you things like, Are you still here? or, Are you dying?
I want to shoot up.
Baby?
Yeah?
Lets go push off.
Havent you had enough?
Think. Carefully. Yes, no.
You?
No.
Yeah, thats right no.
Okay.
i'm sorry. i'm so drunk right now. things aren't clear. and i'm just sorry.
but let's have a better year.than last.