Okay, I have decided that it is definitely time for a reality check on myself. I am not okay. And no matter how much I say or pretend that I am, it will not make it so. I am relapsing into the same negative disposition that ruined me for years before. And I guess I never totally got over it. I see my past problems returning, or in some cases setting up for a return if I continue on in this way at the very least, as well as new ones arising. I am getting old and second chances are getting less and less likely with each and every turn of the wheel. I have to find a way to address my issues, including but not limited to, anxiety, depression and my generalized fear of intimacy and human contact before they continue to spiral. Alcohol is not the answer. No more than morphine and smack were when I was younger. A new Paxil or Xanax prescription is most likely not the answer either, in fact its probably a residual part of the problem. Address the issues at hand. You live unhealthily. You are under WAY too much stress and expectations (from self and from others). Five days out of every week you eat like shit. You drink too much and too often, bordering on alcoholism. Shit, if I am not already alcohol dependent now, it is only a matter of time. Generally sad, even though by all objective measurements things have been going really well. But, they will not continue to do so if you continue on a path of self-destruction.
I think Monday I am going to see my family practitioner. Maybe he can recommend some counseling or perhaps a prescription (as long as its not an SSRI or an MAOI, Ill consider it). If nothing else, hes really cool to talk to.
Really. I am borderline here.
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Song Quote of the day:
As a man I aint never been much for sunny days,
Im as calm as a fruit stand in New York, and maybe as strange.
--Ryan Adams
I think Monday I am going to see my family practitioner. Maybe he can recommend some counseling or perhaps a prescription (as long as its not an SSRI or an MAOI, Ill consider it). If nothing else, hes really cool to talk to.
Really. I am borderline here.
************************************
Song Quote of the day:
As a man I aint never been much for sunny days,
Im as calm as a fruit stand in New York, and maybe as strange.
--Ryan Adams
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
btw - you're only 23. that's not too old for second chances, nor for exploring other possibilities/situations/etc.
i wish you all the best in getting through this time of your life. i'm 26 and still going through it. it's been nine years now, though i have good times thrown in occasionally.
meds just make me numb. then i don't care what the hell i do to anyone. kinda sad.
sounds like what im on.....im such a paranoid person that it takes me forever to make friends when i move and forever to trust people.....i go through stages where im happy for a while and then depressed for a really long time.....the littlest things send me somewhere into the past where something bad occurred....i generally try to keep myself down for the fear that if i dont i will only end up getting hurt even more in the end.........most of the time i feel that my life runs in a constant circle of three months......every three months something big and drammatic happens and everythings different....sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse......