news i knew would come....i didnt want it to....
My grandad has been battling parkinsons disease just over a year now, he is the same person he was a year and a half ago but stuck in someone elses body, a body that can no longer function, he cant talk, and i have just been told he can only barely swallow. He has made his last wishes....no resussitation and no tube feeding....so now it is just a matter of time.... so i guess this is most likely his last christmas....and i wasnt there....and i know he would be happy for me being doing what i want to do....but i wish i could have seen him again, no matter how hard it would have been.
I dont know what he did for this to happen to him....maybe it was nothing, maybe it was just bad luck, all i know is im not going to do anything to myself that i could look at in 50 years time and think....this is my fault. I dont want to ever be a burden on anyone. I know it can happen anyway....but i dont want to be the cause. I look at my parents and hope nothing like that ever happens to them....my mum is fit and healthy, she tries hard to look after herself, my dad has always battled with his weight, he is not obese or anything but he needs to look after his blood pressure and cholesterol. I dont know how i would cope if i had to ever look after them...im not strong enough.
Anyways im just blabbing on now...its just amazing how fragile our bodies are....we dont realise until everything catches up to us, i may have a different atittude to alot of people, i look ahead to the future and i hope to live as long as i can possibly make my self live. I dont have the carefree attitude of, if its meant to happen it happens, i think we can postpone some things in our life,....or at least give it a try.
i dont expect anyone to read this....its just good to get it out.
My grandad has been battling parkinsons disease just over a year now, he is the same person he was a year and a half ago but stuck in someone elses body, a body that can no longer function, he cant talk, and i have just been told he can only barely swallow. He has made his last wishes....no resussitation and no tube feeding....so now it is just a matter of time.... so i guess this is most likely his last christmas....and i wasnt there....and i know he would be happy for me being doing what i want to do....but i wish i could have seen him again, no matter how hard it would have been.
I dont know what he did for this to happen to him....maybe it was nothing, maybe it was just bad luck, all i know is im not going to do anything to myself that i could look at in 50 years time and think....this is my fault. I dont want to ever be a burden on anyone. I know it can happen anyway....but i dont want to be the cause. I look at my parents and hope nothing like that ever happens to them....my mum is fit and healthy, she tries hard to look after herself, my dad has always battled with his weight, he is not obese or anything but he needs to look after his blood pressure and cholesterol. I dont know how i would cope if i had to ever look after them...im not strong enough.
Anyways im just blabbing on now...its just amazing how fragile our bodies are....we dont realise until everything catches up to us, i may have a different atittude to alot of people, i look ahead to the future and i hope to live as long as i can possibly make my self live. I dont have the carefree attitude of, if its meant to happen it happens, i think we can postpone some things in our life,....or at least give it a try.
i dont expect anyone to read this....its just good to get it out.
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