I don't think I'm ready to go out, talk to anyone, or do much of anything yet. Since my Grandma died and I got back in town I haven't done much of anything.
I don't feel terribly social.
Today's lesson is; Don't be shortsighted. Don't assume you have a clue as to what's going on with other people before you ask. Everyone has their own shit going on. Get over yourself and your life for a couple days.
Let me be for a bit. Ok?
The final results of the ended relationship. I imagine she still spies on me and reads this so, whatever.
Yesterday I had a sure thing ala John Cusack in... The Sure Thing. I could have had sex with the first person besides my ex in what.. like 3 years now? I couldn't do it. 49% of my decision came from the culmination of her being a little off her rocker, but 51% was because of the ex, and I'm still in mourning. I can't get my head clear or relax and take in the moment. A: I know for a fact that my ex is still unclear on where we're at. Well, like a dumb fuck, I continued having sex with her for quite some time after we broke up. So no more of that. B: I couldn't give a fuck less about that person yesterday. I didn't care whether she lived or died, she didn't care whether I lived or died.
Call me a sap, but I've never been a one night stand kind of guy. I need that connection. I need to care about someone. I refuse to give any part of myself to anyone that I feel doesn't deserve it.
Which is why I don't bum cigarettes to strangers, or give money to spangers. I pick and choose what parts of me go where. I donate money to the Oregon food bank on a regular basis. You might be saying, Jesus it's only a cigarette. Literally, it is just a cigarette. But, it's very telling about your own self worth in my opinion. If a complete stranger can walk up to you, ask you for something, and you're willing to give it to them, where does it stop? The cigarette bumming is a social norm, but where does it stop? I'll sell cigarettes. I don't even care if it's for a nickel, but, I have to feel there is trade going on.
It doesn't really look good for all of us does it?
I don't feel terribly social.
Today's lesson is; Don't be shortsighted. Don't assume you have a clue as to what's going on with other people before you ask. Everyone has their own shit going on. Get over yourself and your life for a couple days.
Let me be for a bit. Ok?
The final results of the ended relationship. I imagine she still spies on me and reads this so, whatever.
Yesterday I had a sure thing ala John Cusack in... The Sure Thing. I could have had sex with the first person besides my ex in what.. like 3 years now? I couldn't do it. 49% of my decision came from the culmination of her being a little off her rocker, but 51% was because of the ex, and I'm still in mourning. I can't get my head clear or relax and take in the moment. A: I know for a fact that my ex is still unclear on where we're at. Well, like a dumb fuck, I continued having sex with her for quite some time after we broke up. So no more of that. B: I couldn't give a fuck less about that person yesterday. I didn't care whether she lived or died, she didn't care whether I lived or died.
Call me a sap, but I've never been a one night stand kind of guy. I need that connection. I need to care about someone. I refuse to give any part of myself to anyone that I feel doesn't deserve it.
Which is why I don't bum cigarettes to strangers, or give money to spangers. I pick and choose what parts of me go where. I donate money to the Oregon food bank on a regular basis. You might be saying, Jesus it's only a cigarette. Literally, it is just a cigarette. But, it's very telling about your own self worth in my opinion. If a complete stranger can walk up to you, ask you for something, and you're willing to give it to them, where does it stop? The cigarette bumming is a social norm, but where does it stop? I'll sell cigarettes. I don't even care if it's for a nickel, but, I have to feel there is trade going on.
It doesn't really look good for all of us does it?
I'm sorry about your grandmother. I've never had a close family member pass away. I guess that's the upside of not being close to your family. I can't even imagine what it's like. I hope you're doing ok.