allied

Ever have those days when it feels like the walls are closing in? Not the four walls in the room you're in, the four walls around everything in your path. It's like you're toxic. You feel raw and a bit wild; equations don't add up, sentences don't make sense, and everything around you is off-center. Sort of like a perpetual ear infection that's thrown off your balance; you keep waiting for the pain and ringing to stop, but it keeps going and you grow a little more desperate with each passing minute.

I'm having one of those spells. My confidence and self-esteem are low because of my employment and financial situation, and I feel like I'm grasping at ether. I've felt like this on and off for several weeks, and I just can't shake it. I know I will, and it will take time. But while I'm marred in it, I grow bitter and and a little lost. I know that it's temporary, that things could be worse, and that one of the first steps is to get off my ass and make some things happen. What's frustrating, however, is the hesitation that I feel with each thought or movement. It just takes a second and the 4 things I planned to do over the next 3 hours fades into memory and I find my self paralyzed on the couch. Then I grow angry at myself and the cycle continues. Shit, I really need to snap out of this funk.

This is a departure from my usual rants, but thanks for listening. Bye for now.