alleycake

How come my good days always end up with me feeling shittiest? I was productive (at least more so than usual) I was independent, I hung out with a friend, I ate at a new place, a soup place, had soup looking out the window towards the street with it snowing big snowflakes in the middle of March. I watched a good TV show with another friend and had good conversations with Jon. Yet, here I am.
Things got shitty with Jon right before he left as usual, I'm not tired and I have to be up early for another busy day, finals are stressing me out, Im eating out of boredom, and my suite mate puking in my bathroom. I just dont know. I'm over school I'm over the dorms I'm over.. life right now, I don't really care just wanna get everything over with and go home for the summer and lay out and do nothing. I know I'll be sick of being home of being alone, bored, of being in hot weather of my parents but I still want it. Well I dunno what I want, but I'm ready for a change a temporary change, a break from life. I wanna smoke cigs and I hate myself for it I shouldnt have ever touched it, like everyones always told me. And I want a viberator, because getting off just isnt fun anymore. I feel gross for my.. how I feel right now about life, its not.. like me, but at the same time I dont care.