allegro

Two I've managed before, never 4. It can be mentally exhausting.
Each is different, and they are each more than crushes in how they involve love and/or friendship.
One is my wonderful boyfriend, who I love more than I can possibly say.

One is a lady-friend I've discussed before in great detail, who I admire and care about as strongly as my closest family and friends, and lust after with mixed results.

One is my charming, handsome, flirtatious (married) co-star (who has an attractive wife to boot), who's experience in social circles/communities that I have longed for, and his general demeanor, coupled with awesome new-discovered common interests, has me following him around like a puppy.

And one is well....my muse. The intensity of this affection is the most foreign to me. Either my perceptions were wrong, or she has simply changed what I was capable of.

I'd hate for any to know they are in such crowded company (though one will certainly know now, and my boyfriend knows most), since it would seem to lessen the intent, intensity, desire, and dedication each one could and should expect. Perhaps each would feel less special, or I'd simply seem to lack discrimination.
But it simply doesn't work that way. As each individual in this emotional tangle is different, I want each differently, and each quite intensely. It's amazing that I can find the time to eat or work or calm my head long enough to sleep with this going on. Each crush is quite time consuming, and all masturbation sessions are turning into a jumbled mess.

I imagine one will end sooner than the others (with any luck) and hopefully, turn into pure marvelous friendship. As it is, I could force out some degree of intent with #2 (though not all the desire) if I knew the case was hopeless. I get no assurance, and so I'm trapped. With #3, I'd have stolen a kiss by now, except that I'm very fond of his marvelous wife, and I don't know them well enough to know how they play (I'm no home wrecker! Not anymore, at least). Hell, I'd play with both of them if given the opportunity.
My #1 remains my #1 for very good reason. I'm a lucky lady. Consider that the majority of my flirting with #2 and #3 happens in front of him. Our relationship is incredible: loving, giving, and downright encouraging.

The last is definitely not least. It may be the most overwhelming and the most frustrating, and, next to my boyfriend, the most rewarding and encouraging.

It has been argued that I love too much.

EDIT: If you do not see yourself in those four, it doesn't mean I don't love you. Quite far from it. There is so much affection running around here, it warms me completely.