allegro

"Something Like Love"
A One-Act Play

by Allegro


Something like love IS love. And longing, lust, life, family, unanswered questions, and the terror and beauty of change.



Characters:
JANE: 26 yr old butch lesbian
JEFFREY: 25 yr old gay man
DONNA: Jane's 28 yr old feminine girlfriend

Scene 1

(Jeffrey's bedroom. The room makes up the majority of the apartment, and includes a mattress on the floor, a desk with computer and phone, and a bunch of recently worn garments strewn about carelessly. There's two doors stage right; one leads to the kitchen, the other goes outside. One door stage left leads to the bathroom. We see JANE and JEFFREY sitting up on the mattress. They are wearing nothing but their underwear. For JANE, boxer shorts (or some other boyish underwear) and a wife beater or T-shirt. For JEFFREY, a sparkly message T-shirt and boxer briefs.)

(uncomfortable silence)

JANE: Shit. (Pause) I need a cigarette.

JEFFREY: I can't help you there. House rules.

JANE: Well, we haven't followed many of those today, have we? (She searches the room and finds her backpack, then puts out a pack and fights with her lighter, to no avail.)

JEFFREY: What just happened?

JANE: I dunno, but whatever it was, it was.... well...

JEFFREY: Yeah. Just like that.

JANE: Hey, I knew less about what to do with you than you knew what to do with me, right?

JEFFREY: You sure about that? (He tries to match eyes, but she averts. He grabs her cigarette and lighter.)

JANE: (grabbing his cigarette) You don't smoke.

JEFFREY: (grabbing it back) Another new thing for me to do today.

(Short pause as JEFFREY lights up and JANE realizes what JEFFREY just admitted)

JANE: Oh shit Jeff

(JEFFREY tries to inhale, but coughs terribly. JANE takes the cigarette again and disposes of it.)

JEFFREY: I'm fine. (JEFFREY starts coughing again)

JANE: I'm getting you a glass of water. (She leaves and goes to the kitchen. JEFFREY recovers from the coughing fit. The phone rings.)

JANE: (offstage) Who the hell is that?

JEFFREY: (on the phone) Hello? Hey Charlie. I'm - just fine. Hmm? Yeah, I had a great time.
Sure. Actually, tonight would be bad for me. Can we talk later this week? Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just Of course! No, it was really fabulous. I'm fine. Listen, I'll call you Friday, K? Okay, cutie. Bye.

JANE: (re-entering with water) "Okay, cutie." Was that the new boy?

JEFFREY: Yeah. I've never seen a one-night-stand come back and haunt me like this.

JANE: Hey you can't blame him. You're quite a catch. (pause)

JEFFREY: Janie, we should really talk.

JANE: I'd prefer to keep avoiding the subject, if you don't mind.

JEFFREY: This is important

JANE: What can we talk about? There's nothing important to say. Something really stupid happened, okay?

JEFFREY: Stupid. So you think we should just pretend? Forget?

JANE: Sounds like a good idea to me.

JEFFREY: We're still in our underwear.

JANE: Well, yeah. Thanks for stating the obvious. Where the hell are my pants?

JEFFREY: Jane - (He grabs her wrist before she can search the room. She holds for just a moment, and starts to soften. She quickly regains her composure.)

JANE: (Resuming the search for pants.) I can't stay here, Jeffrey.

JEFFREY: Janie, I can't plow through all of this by myself.

JANE: Look, I just can't talk about it now.

JEFFREY: Why not now?

JANE: Why not later?

JEFFREY: We're here now.

JANE: That doesn't mean I'm willing to talk about it now.

JEFFREY: Well, you have to.

JANE: What do you mean, I have to?

JEFFREY: Just please. I need this. I'm feeling really screwy right now, and I can't blame it on any illegal substances.

JANE: Like you ever can...

JEFFREY: I don't know if we were wrong or right or whatever, I just want to talk.

JANE: (Stops the search) Fine. Go ahead. Don't think I'll be of much help to you though.

JEFFREY: That's okay.

JANE: So, talk.

JEFFREY: Alright. (pause) Care to start?

JANE: This was your idea.

JEFFREY: You initiated, Jane. You kissed me.

JANE: Point taken. It's not as if you didn't like it.

JEFFREY: I didn't say that. Why did you kiss me?

JANE: I dunno, why did you kiss back? You just I don't know. You were flirting with me.

JEFFREY: We always flirt with each other.

JANE: It was different.

JEFFREY: How was it different?

JANE: You tell me. This isn't twenty questions, and I wasn't the only one there. How did we get from point A to point Bed?

JEFFREY: I'm sorry. There must have been something. We've been to too many good parties together. We've known each other for too long without this. (pause) I'm sure we were building up to this.

JANE: Well sure, we can go that route.

JEFFREY: It was probably sure to happen sooner of later.

JANE: Sure! One big unavoidable accident. The night was crazy, we drank too much

JEFFREY: Did we drink?

JANE: Uh... sure. Absolutely. Drunk our way right into a horny stupor... Okay, let me try that again...

JEFFREY: It was only a few hours ago. I feel like we're fishing through repressed childhood memories.

JANE: Alright then, from the top of the evening, in order: Got out of work. Took a nap. I had dinner with Donna, went back to the apartment and changed to go out with you, met you at Choirboy's shit, I need to call Donna. She's gonna think I got gay-bashed and was left for dead in some alleyway. (JANE picks up the phone and starts dialing)

JEFFREY: She might like that better.

JANE: Please be the machine, please be the machine (on the phone) Hey sweetie. Just calling to say I'm alright. I just stayed with Jeff. Sure, a great time. I'll see you later. Sure, I can stop for milk. It's okay, I'll come to you. I'll tell him you said hi. Love you too. Bye, honey. Bye.

JEFFREY: I forgot all about Donna.

JANE: That's fine, she's not yours to worry about. Except, of course, if I don't make it home within the next two hours, at which point she'll decide to swing by here and pick me up. Assuming we're still standing around in our underwear, I'm sure she'll have some questions. (JANE reaches for an article of clothing but stops when JEFFREY speaks again.)

JEFFREY: So, what are you going to tell her?

JANE: I spent the night at your place. Nothing new. You expect me to tell her something else?

JEFFREY: Well, this might be hard to hide, don't you think?

JANE: Why?

JEFFREY: Well, don't you think...

JANE: You're not that new at this.

JEFFREY: What do you mean by that?

JANE: I have no reason to tell her this. I didn't tell her that last time I did something... crazy. Not that I've ever done anything... well, you know. As this is never going to happen again, I'm not going to risk losing a long term relationship I've worked this hard at because of an awkward evening involving genitalia that I'm not all that comfortable with, which I know I can repress sooner or later. (JEFFREY looks unconvinced.) It was a mistake, right? It won't happen again. She doesn't need to know, because it's not a problem. (JEFFREY isn't going along.) If that's alright with you, that is. If it isn't, tough. I didn't hear you telling your new little boyfriend on the phone that you did the hetero thing for a night, and I seriously doubt you're going to bring it up; that is unless you are advertising new checks on your list of "necessary life experiences." I suppose "sleep with female" sits somewhere between "save the whales" and "speak Cantonese."

/JEFFREY: What list? What is wrong with you Janie? I'm not your enemy. Do you suddenly think I'm a jerk male in the big heterosexual conspiracy, or do you think I'm just immature? I don't know about you, but this has never happened to me before. You have no right to get this attitude with me. I didn't even initiate this.

JANE (spoken over): Wrong with me? I'm trying to make sense here as much as you are! Do you expect me to get all touchy feely for you? I'm not trying to insult you Jeffrey, and you're not immature, so you can't play nave with me. Notice: There are things at stake for me. This is no time to be fucking sensitive./

JANE: Initiate. Initiate. Maybe it doesn't matter. I kissed you, and as that seems to be the only thing we agree upon, we can drop it now. Maybe I was fantasizing, maybe I got lost in a moment, maybe it was all one big accident and I hit your lips by mistake. It happened, it's done, so there's no point in going over it anymore.

JEFFREY: Okay, so that's not the point. You came back here. Your eyes met mine and we came here. Something happened - good, bad, terrible, whatever. All I know is until this morning you treated me like a friend, like a human being! What the hell happened between then and now, Jane?

JANE: How am I not treating you like a human being now, Jeffrey?

JEFFREY: You can't just say anything to me. "Necessary life experiences." Do you think I'm so insensitive? Do you think you mean so little to me? I'm not some immature selfish jerk, Jane. Don't throw that at me just because you're stressed out about this. I am too, in case you haven't noticed.

JANE: Well, I'm sorry but I'm having a bit of a hard time. (pause) I'm just really sorry.

(She starts to break down, struggling not to cry. JEFFREY hesitates, but then finally comes over to her and tries to put an arm around her, a friend's support. At first she flinches, then silently accepts, but still refuses to cry.)

JANE: Why didn't you pull away from me?

JEFFREY: What?

JANE: When I kissed you.

JEFFREY: I couldn't. (pause) Why did you kiss me?

JANE: I couldn't help it.

(The two hold for a moment, then separate awkwardly)

JEFFREY: Okay then. (JANE goes around the room, finding the rest of her clothing, but puts none of it on.) Jane -

JANE: What is it now, Jeffrey?

JEFFREY: I think that I want to

JANE: Just say it. If there's another awkward silence today I'll scream my way through it.

JEFFREY: Breakfast. I'm making some breakfast.

JANE: Well, breakfast isn't too life altering. (JEFFREY leaves for the kitchen. When he goes, JANE puts her shirt on over her wife-beater.)

JEFFREY : (from the kitchen) You know what last night really made me think of?

JANE: A sign of the apocalypse?

JEFFREY: (Standing in the doorframe between the bedroom and kitchen.) No. Well, maybe. I was referring to our first real conversation.

JANE: Ah, high school. Close enough.

JEFFREY: Yeah. Anyway, it was, what, the freshman/sophomore dance?

JANE: It was. Wow. Damn, I feel old thinking about it. Who was I dating at the time? Dana. No wait, that was earlier. Marcie, Lily no, 'cause they didn't find out about each other until June

JEFFERY: Sometimes I wonder how you ever ended up monogamous.

JANE: Hey, I told you it was hard. (JEFFREY laughs.) Hey, weren't you making breakfast?

JEFFREY: Okay, okay. So we have 12-grain bread, some peanut butter, beer, tomato sauce, here we go, someew, forget that, um

JANE: I can always count on you for appealing breakfast options.

JEFFREY: Shush. As I was saying

JANE: It's fine, I'm not really hungry. Do you have juice?

JEFFREY: (checks fridge, talking from kitchen) Actually, yes. Hold on a minute. (JEFFREY returns with two cups of orange juice.) Anyway, about the dance

JANE: I'm still trying to place it in my dating timeline.

JEFFREY: Even I remember this one. Come on, the day after, what's the first thing we talked about?

JANE and JEFFREY: James.

JANE: Shit! That's right! I had just broken up with James and I heard you snagged him. I thought I was the only gay kid in that school.

JEFFREY: Excepting of course, all your ex-girlfriends.

JANE: Are you kidding? To hear them talk, they're all straight as straight can be. You remember Sandra. "We're just really close friends, that's all." Not that I was complaining or anything, it was good to have somebody. I just wish they took some of the flak I got. Or, you know, stuck around.

JEFFREY: So, you walk up to me and say

JANE: Hey pretty

JANE and JEFFREY: welcome to the club.

JEFFREY: I was in such shock. I thought no one knew!

JANE: James and I were such good girlfriends, why wouldn't he tell me?

JEFFREY: Well, it was cool that you knew, but I was so afraid that everybody was going to know. I'd never had a boyfriend before and was so afraid of coming out.

JANE: Well, I didn't do it for you. Which delayed the rumor mills by a week, at least.

JEFFREY: I knew you by reputation

JANE: Hell, who didn't? "The Official Lesbian of the Drama Club." "The Official Lesbian of Yearbook Staff." "The Official Lesbian of Third Period English"

JEFFREY: And I don't think we ever really spoke before that.

JANE: Really? I was sure there was something earlier. I know that that dance sealed it, but I'm sure I remembered something. You set off my gaydar before I knew I had it.

JEFFREY: Well, I wish you told me when you felt it. You were probably surer of my sexuality than I was, and I didn't know you. But when you came up to me at the dance, something clicked. Besides our personalities. Something about you told me who I was. The moment you spoke to me, I understood myself better than I ever had in my whole life. I was so excited I thought I would burst. I wanted to scream through the hallways and tell everybody how great it was to finally know. Of course, it also occurred to me that I would be severely beaten

JANE: Which didn't happen for

JEFFREY and JANE: Two weeks.

JEFFREY: But that shock, that feeling of enlightenment, was so incredible. It was... something like love. It just swept through my whole body and made me feel so good to be alive, to connect to other people. For the first time in a year, I felt free.

JANE: Wow. I knew I had an effect on people, but this seems a little beyond my bounds.

JEFFREY: If you hadn't been there, it might have been years before I understood like that. I think I even grew up a little.

JANE: Well, you were always mature for your age.

JEFFREY: Now you sound like my mother.

JANE: (imitating JEFFREY'S mother) "Jane, dear, we've always had such high hopes for Jeffrey, but"

JEFFREY: No thanks. Anyway, that's what made me think of high school.

JANE: What was? I think I just lost you completely.

JEFFREY: The club, last night.

JANE: Oh God, I was hoping you weren't going back to that. Didn't we hit some sort of conclusion, resolution, something?

JEFFREY: The dance, high school, those feelings I had, it was there last night, but different this time. It could be real.

JANE: What could?

JEFFREY: The feeling.

JANE: Wasn't it real the first time? I'm so damn confused.

JEFFREY: Look I I'm just not saying this right, I'm just gonna drop it.

JANE: Jeff

JEFFREY: It's nothing, I just I can't explain clearly. Forget it.

JANE: Look, you're gonna tell me anyway. I can tell it's pretty fucking big, and as much as I hate this conversation, I'd rather get it over with instead of waiting until later for the bombs to fall. (Pause) Look, I admit it, I know I started this, and I know it's complicated, Christ I know it's complicated, but I don't think you should just sit on this -

JEFFREY: I think I might love you. (Pause.) Sorry, you asked.

JANE: Oh God. (Pause.) Well, of course you do. And I love you

JEFFREY: You know better than that, Janie.

JANE: And what am I supposed to do about that, huh?

JEFFREY
I didn't ask you to do anything about it. You just told me -

JANE
Just telling me for my own well-being then?

JEFFREY: You told me to tell you! Let me try to I feel like I've been holding it in for so long, but I haven't. I don't think I really knew until last night. It's not as if I can claim I never noticed you before. I mean, I've always loved the way you hold yourself, the way your eyes laugh with you, the way you let your shirt hang out, that weird thing you do with your hands when you're angry

JANE: Come on now, Jeff, you're not gonna win me with your glowing praise.

JEFFREY: So, there's a way for you to be won?

JANE: I never, EVER said that.

JEFFREY: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -- I'm sorry.

JANE: Don't you dare say anything like that ever again. You're scaring the shit out of me.

JEFFREY: But we always

JANE: Now isn't a good time.

JEFFREY: I said I'm sorry. What I was going to say, it was like another light went off, as if these blinders were removed. I starting thinking about Charlie, and us, and our history, and suddenly there was you. I thought to myself, there's really nothing saying that we

JANE: I know your not suggesting anything at this point.

JEFFREY: I know you have things set out for yourself.

JANE: You're damn right.

JEFFREY: But we might have something.

JANE: Don't be a stupid asshole, Jeff.

JEFFREY: There's nothing saying this can't work.

JANE: There's everything saying this can't work. I say it can't work. Everything that's you, everything that's me, everything I've ever known says it's a damn impossibility that should never have been brought up in the first place. Did you ever bother to think if I want whatever you're suggesting? If I'm understanding you here, and I'm really not sure I do, you fell passionately in love with me last night, enough to suggest that we... What? Pursue romance? Live together? Scrap everything? Speak in random spiritual similes for the rest of our lives? In case you don't remember, this whole escapade started with a bizarre little occurrence that I'm sure neither of us wants to repeat. There was no big hetero revelation suggesting a new happy home life.

JEFFREY: Okay, so it's a little crazy. A lot crazy. But there's something here, "bizarre occurrence" aside. I felt it. I'm sure some way

JANE: Look, it doesn't work that way with me. I'd figure you would know that by now, but the way you're acting, I starting to wonder. Let's start from scratch: I'm a lesbian, Jeffrey. A big fuckin' bulldyke. A butch with her very own femme. That's who I am, that's what I am. I've worked too hard for my life, for everything I have. I can't just pick up with some man

JEFFREY: I'm not just some man

JANE: Maybe you are now. We were special before. A great bond that sex wouldn't break. Now it's just another fucked up relationship.

JEFFREY: You don't mean that.

JANE: Maybe I do. Maybe that's my new revelation. We fucked up so bad that -

JEFFREY: Do you think I like this? Do you think you're the only one that feels... strange? This has wrong written all over it, but it doesn't have to. I never touched a woman before, remember? You know what? It's just more skin. Sort of. I don't know what you're so threatened by the fact that you might actually want me.

JANE: Shut up Jeff. I already knew that I wanted you. You weren't supposed to want me back.

(Pause)

JEFFREY: Sorry to disappoint you. (pause)

JANE: Shit.

JEFFREY: Word of the day. (Pause.) So, breakfast?

JANE: Christ, this has been a long morning. (Pause.)

JEFFREY: Jane, listen to me

JANE: Sure Jeff! What new heartfelt confessions could possibly stumble out now? Are you also carrying my child?

JEFFREY: Stop it, Janie. Don't treat me like a kid. I'm still trying to figure this all out. Think for a minute about what we are to each other. You are kinder and truer to me than anyone I've ever known. I mean, why shouldn't I love you? You've been my best girlfriend through everything. I thought things would never change, blood brothers till death. I still don't know how that changed. It may not be important to you to know how something so stable, so important changed like this, but it's a big deal for me.

JANE: Jeffrey

JEFFREY: And don't you dare hide behind, "I'm worked so hard for this." This is hard too Jane. Have you stopped to consider that maybe I didn't want to love you like this? You have never, ever treated me like this. You've always been sensitive with me, regardless of how silly or stupid I get, and this isn't silly or stupid. I don't deserve this from you.

JANE: Jeff, I'm not treating you any different than

JEFFREY: Well maybe not, but this is different now. This needs to be different.

JANE: So now you want me to treat you differently? What do you want from me Jeff?

JEFFERY: Just stop it. I love you. Or maybe I don't, I... no, I do. I mean, I always have. So maybe that love keeps on changing. I haven't let myself figure out how much, or how strongly or any of that stuff. I was hoping that I loved you better as we were...

JANE: As we are. We don't have to lose what we had.

JEFFREY: If I though we could keep anything of what we had, do you think I'd be telling you this?

JANE: Seems you've made the decisions for the future of us.

JEFFREY: Status quo isn't gonna cut it now Jane.

JANE: Why not? We don't have to move mountains. Christ, Jeffrey, you even said we've been through crazy crap together.

JEFFREY: This is different. None of our - "crazy crap" measures up to this. But we can take all of that to grow from. You can say yes to a chance. Let me try
JANE (over): I don't understand. Things go wrong all the time between friends. I mean, I'm friends with all my exes, we could just act a little more like them without -

(JEFFREY pulls JANE to him and kisses her.)

JANE: I... still don't want you when you're naked.

JEFFREY: We'll just cut out the sex.

JANE: That's the funniest thing you've said all day.

JEFFREY: We can just sleep with other people.

JANE: Donna and I are getting married, Jeff.
I love her. I grew into her. I even love how neurotic she gets. Hey, we all have flaws. Hers grew on me. I don't even change for people subconsciously, and I changed for her. I promised myself I'd even grow up for her. A little. I have, Jeff. You've even told me so. And I don't think you would love me now if I wasn't the me I've become with Donna. I love her. You love Donna's Jane.

JEFFREY: Jane, I would still have-

JANE: And think about your argument. The two of us without sex? That's what we've always had. Complete with sexual tension.

JEFFREY: Not exactly Jane.

JANE: Well, we can work around the rest.

JEFFREY: You think things could really be the same? After all this?

JANE: No, I don't. (JANE holds up her pants. JEFFREY folds, and JANE put on her pants while JEFFREY finds and puts on a shirt. He realizes the conversation isn't as resolved as JANE wants it to be.)

JEFFREY: Janie, I'm still gonna love you.

JANE: I know. Hey, at least I'll be sweet with you again, right?

JEFFREY: Yeah. (They both continue dressing.)

JEFFREY: But Jane - (As JANE puts on her socks, there's a knock on the door. Both look at each other and know that it could only be one person. They both rush to finish getting dressed.)

DONNA'S VOICE: Jeff? Jane? It's Donna! (When she knows JEFFREY is done dressing, JANE opens the door for DONNA. DONNA enters with a small bag of groceries.)

DONNA: Hello sweetie! I was just around the corner so I figured I'd swing by and pick you up. I just knew you'd still be here. Hey Jeff. (She kisses JEFFREY on the cheek.) I hope you two had an exciting night out. Here, I bought you a croissant. (DONNA takes a croissant out of the bag and hands it to JEFFREY. He looks at it for a moment but makes no attempt to eat it.) I figured you haven't had breakfast yet. Oh, I already did the shopping honey. I have to go to Leslie's later. I promised to baby-sit the kids tonight, and I just wanted to make sure I saw you for a little while today. (She kisses JANE.) Anyway, I was hoping the three of us could get together for a movie tomorrow. Or the four of us if Jeff wants to bring someone along. How's it working out with Charlie?

JEFFREY: Oh, it's going.

DONNA: Well I hope you bring him along. Or whoever. Just as long as the three of us make it at least. It's been awhile since the three of us went anywhere, I've missed us. Speaking of going places, I really need to use your bathroom Jeff. If you don't mind. (DONNA takes two steps away from JEFFREY but quickly backtracks.) Hey Jeffy, are you okay? (JANE stares at JEFFREY, JEFFREY looks only at DONNA.)

JEFFREY: Oh, just the morning blues.

DONNA: If you say so, cutie. You didn't used to be same sort of morning grouch as Crazy Jane, but I suppose it's infectious. That just goes to show that I need to spend much more time with you. After the bathroom, of course... (DONNA runs off to the bathroom. JANE goes to JEFFREY and takes his hands, making him meet her eyes. Long moment of silent negotiation.) (Donna comes back out, and is completely preoccupied with her belongings.) Thanks Jeff. We should probably run. There were only 15 minutes on the meter. Are you ready to go honey?

JANE: (Lets go of JEFFREY) Sure.

DONNA: (Hugs JEFFREY.) It's been wonderful to see you Jeff, even if just for a minute. Oh! I also got you some of that cranberry cereal, and some orange juice. Have a good breakfast! (DONNA leaves first, JANE lingers in the doorway.)

JANE: The same?

JEFFREY: Sure. (JANE leaves. JEFFREY sits on his mattress.)

JEFFREY: Shit.

(Lights fade.)