I saw Donizetti's Lucis di Lammermore at the Metropolitan opera on Tuesday night. My gods, I was swept away. Mary Zimmerman's direction was exquisite (I love it when non-opera people direct opera). Best of all was Natalie Dessay at Lucia. She considers herself an actress before a singer, so it must be incidental that she sounds like a dream. Her physicality during her mad scene (and during the rest of the opera as well) was a perfect example of what my company has been training to do. She was simply amazing beyond words.
Some things were a little silly of course. As with all Italian Romantic bel canto style operas, there's lots of stuff in major keys (happier sounding stuff) that doesn't match the emotion of the libretto. For example, int he first act Lucia's brother is practically frothing at the mouth with anger at his sister and her lover. He sings a line which is approximately "I will shed their blood to remove the evil stain on their souls" (something like that). He then has long melismatic lines built off that lyric. I guess it helped ot have taken a little Italian, because
I giggled in the middle of a phrase when I realized there was a big dramatic (sunny) line in which the only lyric was "Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood!"
I dunno. I guess you had to be there.
The Tempest is going well.
But this Ferdinand of mine is a genuinely cool guy. Red spikey hair, nice build, cool earrings. He skateboards to rehearsal every night. He's a cool geek too. He's endless fun to talk with. The package that is this man doesn't help the matter.
No worries, he's married. He'll be my friend. This will work beautifully. This crush with pass when the show is over. Till then, I can use it. Hopefully it won't use me.
David's Gods, section two (continued from yesterday)
A longer excerpt. Here's the rest of Scene 1, which I realize amounts to a ten page argument. Enjoy!
DAVID : (He starts to pack to leave.) Thank you. But flattery will get you nowhere. I'm not leaving Him for you.
GOD/DESS: You're trying to sit on a fence that doesn't exist.
DAVID: Sure it does. It chafes constantly.
GOD/DESS: Then you really shouldn't sit on it, should you?
DAVID: Not working.
GOD/DESS: Should I try to guilt then? I know it's a little overdone. He tries to guilt you into leaving ME all the time. I deserve a turn.
DAVID: I get guilt daily. What's a little more after the parents, teachers, mentors, friends, co-workers, aunts, cast-mates
GOD/DESS: Enough.
DAVID: I'm used to it.
GOD/DESS: Fine. You're a bright boy. Perhaps logic.
DAVID: I don't even know why this is important. I'm going to the theatre RIGHT NOW. You'll have me all weekend, and through the rest of the week.
GOD/DESS: So close, but no cigar. You miss the point David
DAVID: Look, I've accepted a certain amount of conflict and misery in my life.
GOD/DESS: There shouldn't be a conflict. In your conception, I must be His invention. Following me should mean following himhowever indirectly. Shouldn't it?
(DAVID stops preparing to leave.)
DAVID: Ok, now you're giving me a headache. Can we go now?
GOD/DESS: If you think sensibly, He should just give you to me. He owes me as much. After all, I'm always there for Him. What could be more theatrical than service? He created me for the presentation of his word. Moses coming down from the mountain: light on his face, holding the tablets. Lights, props, elevated stage, all to present the most important speechwriting in history. I'm there for Him every week in synagogue. What could be more mine than the recitation each week, the singing of the cantor? It's the sacred theatre, but it's theatre all the same.
DAVID: So you have me then too. What else do you need? I should have just become a Rabbi. Maybe I should still be a Rabbi. Would that make the two of you happy?
GOD/DESS: NO, David. It's not about ME there. It's all about Him. People don't even see me there. He uses me.
DAVID: So that's your job. He made you what you are.
GOD/DESS: Let's say I grew past his designs.
DAVID: You can't grow past his
GOD/DESS: You can too. You have incredible potential, David. You have the makings of (Pause.)
DAVID: What?
GOD/DESS: Never mind, you said flattery would get me nowhere.
DAVID: Well, as long as we're here
GOD/DESS: (Circling him.) Do you remember the first time you saw me?
DAVID: Sure. Everybody's get one of those stories.
GOD/DESS: Tell me yours.
DAVID: You know it already, don't you?
GOD/DESS: Tell me.
DAVID: High school. Sophomore year. Mr. Lutz
GOD/DESS: A devoted priest of my order. (The GOD/DESS crosses behind DAVID.)
DAVID: Mr. Lutz cast me as
GOD/DESS & DAVID: Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors.
GOD/DESS: Funny that it wasn't even your first time on-stage.
(S/he snaps. Throughout DAVID's speeches, the GOD/DESS "conducts" the sounds of rain, leaks, thunder, noisy audience, electrical short, feedback, weak applause, coughing, soft gossip, a girl giggling, crowded school auditorium, etc. from behind him. DAVID is transported)
DAVID: I loved this show. Mr. Lutz decided I could do it, so I chose it as the one thing I wouldn't fail at. I worked my ass off for weeks. Which didn't help the preview. Nothing worked. I learned that my Audrey was dating the plant and they both thought the show would run better if I simply didn't exist or, failing that, never got a word in edgewise. Which wasn't so bad since I was recovering from strep throat. Hurricane Xerxes was on our doorstep, nobody came. Well, except my folks and three old ladies who talked through the whole first act and left during intermission. Costumes weren't done, the rain leaked onto the stage, the light board was on the fritz. God decided we should suffer for our 'art.'
GOD/DESS: But then opening
DAVID: Thursday I felt the theatre live. The place was packed with kids, most required to see the show, some of whom actually wanted to be there. You came as a wave, crashing through the fourth wall. You crept up from the floor into my legs, up through my groin, my chest, my head. It was the biggest rush I had ever felt. I felt your hooks in me. You left me horny and high as a kite. (The GOD/DESS cuts off the noise. He snaps back.) Thinking back, I guess I was still sick as a dog, I probably sucked. I like the memory better when I forget that part.
GOD/DESS: (Wandering from him.) I knew you were a prospect.
DAVID: Yeah. Wait, prospect? I was a theatre geek for the rest of high school. I saw you! I felt you!
GOD/DESS: That happens to everyone. You still weren't a keeper. That happened in college. So many think they know me, that they worship me. They just want an audience, the first layer of my experience.
DAVID: Ok, so what did it? Learning light design? Dumping a girl because she never came to see me act? My first time producing? My first play? What?
GOD/DESS: That helped. Step by step you showed your intent and devotion.
DAVID: Failing my other classes because of late night rehearsals? Directing for the first time? Founding a theatre group? Scrubbing the dressing room bathroom?
(The GOD/DESS comes up behind him, once again bringing him back, now manipulating his body instead of the noise. She touches him lovingly.)
GOD/DESS: A day in spring. 1:23 pm. The big theatre. All the technicians were out to lunch. Here on the empty stage, devoid of all drops and set pieces. An empty house. Only the ghost light to light your way. And there you stood, lip of the stage.
DAVID: It was beautiful.
GOD/DESS: You saw me.
DAVID: You were beautiful.
GOD/DESS: And I knew you really loved me.
DAVID: It was a nice day. Then I found out I wasn't cast in Fiddler on the Roof because of my Friday night conflict. Fiddler. Ironic, isn't it?
GOD/DESS: You realize what he's done to you, David? He showed you the passion of my love, and then told you it was impossible. He doesn't love you.
DAVID: It's not about love.
GOD/DESS: Every time you are cast, hired, you feel my acceptance, my love. I love you, David.
DAVID: I'm sure that's why I'm working for free Off-Off-Off Broadway.
GOD/DESS: (The GOD/DESS comes close to him.)[I/] It's still work, isn't it? Face it David, you're mine. Why else would you be struggling for free? You want me. You need me.
DAVID: (He breaks from her.) Yes. And no.
GOD/DESS: Of course you do.
DAVID: Okay, but there's more.
GOD/DESS: Then what else?
DAVID: What else? Frankly, I'm angry with you.
GOD/DESS: You, angry with me? How sweet. You need me, but you're angry with me. You love me and hate me. So much melodrama, it's beautiful. It's like I created you myself.
DAVID: You didn't create me.
GOD/DESS: We could pretend. No, act. Go method.
DAVID: You didn't create me.
GOD/DESS: No, you only wish I did. Let's say I did and be done with it. Just live in the dream I create for you. I could be all you need; you already know how it could feel. You just refuse to give over totally. Stop playing hard to get (THE GOD/DESS attempts to remove DAVID's yarmulke. He stops her.)
DAVID: You know what? You don't even know what I need. Do you want to know why I'm angry with you?
GOD/DESS: Sure David. Do tell.
DAVID: It's because you aren't all I need. You are why I don't have what I need. You're the reason I have no wife! No love! No family!
GOD/DESS: Calm down, dearie. You're overreacting, and I understand. It's not every year you'll go to eight weddings of old Hebrew school chums.
DAVID: You're right, it isn't every year. It won't be every year because I've run out of single Jewish friends. Every day it becomes less likely that I'll ever get married!
GOD/DESS: You can't stick that on me, David. There are lots of good Jewish girls out there.
DAVID: They don't love you, they don't get you. So they don't get me. I won't love them.
GOD/DESS: There are plenty of ladies that love me.
DAVID: They don't love Him. They don't get it. I can't love them.
GOD/DESS: So don't put all your anger on me. Choose, David.
DAVID: No.
GOD/DESS: No?
DAVID: No.
GOD/DESS: I know more about you than you think, David. I know what you yearn for. I've seen you with children. Playing with the director's infant son, with your sister's daughters, performing children's theatre. You'd make a wonderful father. Choose me; you'll get what you want.
DAVID: I want.
GOD/DESS: Yes. Just choose.
DAVID: you're lying. You're telling me theatre is the way to a family? Rehearsals till midnight 5 nights a week? Tours? No economic stability? That's a bald-faced lie. If I want a family, I should devote myself to Him.
GOD/DESS: It only starts that way. It's possible with me!
DAVID: You just tell me what you think I want to hear.
GOD/DESS: David
DAVID: Do you think I'm stupid?
GOD/DESS: Alright, I apologize. I have a habit of pandering to my audience. That doesn't mean it's impossible. This family-thing. Successful performers have done it before. Hell, you hear about more celebrity births every day. It's all possible. It's more than possible. In fact, I can see it now (DAVID starts to walk away.) I deserve some extra credit here, David. Hey, at least I showed up to plead my case! Where's your God?
DAVID: Everywhere.
GOD/DESS: That's a cop-out. Maybe he's too lazy to show.
DAVID: That's impossible. Don't say that.
GOD/DESS: Maybe he just doesn't care, David. He'll hang back and let others do His dirty work.
DAVID: What?
GOD/DESS: He's pleading his case through your parents and old school friends. I'm here. Let Him show himself. HASHEM! Where are you? Stop hiding behind omnipotence and come face us! HASHEM!
DAVID: Stop it! Look, I don't need Him to show up. I know what He would say.
GOD/DESS: I do too. He'd say "Look around you, David. Take some fucking stock."
DAVID: I have. This is the only way for me. The only way I fit.
GOD/DESS: You think you fit? You don't fit! Aren't you tired of looking like the world's biggest hypocrite? "Sorry, I have to walk to your house after rehearsal. Sabbath." "Sure, I'll run light tech on Saturday, I just won't be able to touch anything or ask you to do anything directly. I'll just suggest what you should do." It's still WORK, David. You WRITE on shabbos. You PERFORM on shabbos; you've SUNG on shabbos with an ORCHESTRA, and then you turn around and deny me a week later. You're pious during this production and goyish for the next. Yarmulke on, yarmulke off. You keep bending the rules. He doesn't like it, I don't like it.
DAVID: I know that.
GOD/DESS: So stop it. Stop getting mocked behind your back.
DAVID: I don't care about that.
GOD/DESS: Yes you do. You want to be wanted, remember?
DAVID: Alright. Who doesn't?
GOD/DESS: Not like you, David. You're one of mine. You need to be loved. You need it like you need oxygen. The love, the need, you'll get more if you stop playing this stupid game.
DAVID: It's not a game, this is me. This is the only way I can do this.
GOD/DESS: By twisting rules and leaving everyone unhappy? You limit yourself.
DAVID: How?
GOD/DESS: You could have everything, David, everything. And you know it. Just choose one of us.
DAVID: There is no choice here! Why? Why should I choose? This is my life. I choose both. Why not have my cake and eat it too? Really, it's not so much cake as stale challah, but it's still mine. Cut me some slack. I'm special to you. I must be. If not, I should be. I give you more. There are people out there who claim theatre as their calling, who don't have Him making demands, and they don't give half as much as I do. Other people split time with family, with jobs, with hobbies, with obligations that are nothing next to you. With me, it's you and HASHEM. And He had first dibs. Others with more success give you less. They deserve your abuse, not me. Hassle them.
GOD/DESS: No, darling. You're much more fun.
DAVID: I give Him prayers, which are of no concern to you. I give Him my diet, which you don't care about. I give promises that I struggle to keep. I know Him as my One God, which is the way it has to be. I give Him one day a week. Why can't I give Him one day?
GOD/DESS: Sure you can. Make it Monday. Theatres are dark then. Mostly.
DAVID: It can't be Monday!
GOD/DESS: What, are you afraid he'll punish you? If he was going do to that, I'm sure he'd have done it by now. Then againmaybe he has.
DAVID: Yes, I'm sure he's kept me poor, depressed, single, and miserable. Remember, I get all of Saturday to reflect on my sorry state. And pray.
GOD/DESS: You are quite the masochist, David. You let him abuse you.
DAVID: No less than you have.
GOD/DESS: I'm already winning David. I know. On that day of rest you so fervently defend now, you're still mine. You write. You write plays. Not allowed to do that now, are you David? You break from one of my forms as if to follow the letter of his law only to have me retain your spirit. I have you, and you know it. Stop pretending it isn't truth. I don't want to share you anymore.
DAVID: You don't want to share.
GOD/DESS: It's that simple.
DAVID: Fine. I must be important then.
GOD/DESS: Good. What?
DAVID: You don't want to share me. I'm important to you. You need me. Tell me. Agree with me.
GOD/DESS: This isn't about that David. I have thousands more where you come from. I don't need any of you. You need me. You're changing the subject.
DAVID: Then why are you here?
GOD/DESS: Assume it's for my own amusement. Your life is drama, David. Of course I'm here.
DAVID: I'm supposed to reject my God to amuse you?
GOD/DESS: Wouldn't you find it amusing?
DAVID: I'm important to you.
GOD/DESS: Not you. You're a type. I enjoy your type.
DAVID: What type? Spiritually torn performers?
GOD/DESS: Yes. All kinds.
DAVID: So that means I stop being interesting and amusing if I choose.
GOD/DESS: Of course not David. You're a gem.
DAVID: And still I'm not important.
GOD/DESS: As I've said.
DAVID: You're lying again.
GOD/DESS: Well yes, David. I'm the God of Theatre, of course I lie. But I still don't need you, just like I don't miss you. It has never been, nor will it ever be, about me needing you. Nevertheless, I won't abandon you. I might even love you, but you're pushing it.
DAVID: Then leave me alone. Why are you here?
GOD/DESS: To offer you what you truly desire.
DAVID: I'm sure that's amusing to you, too.
GOD/DESS: Pleasure is very entertaining. It's almost as amusing as inner struggle.
DAVID: So I want to be important. That would give me pleasure. Make me important.
GOD/DESS: Don't be absurd, that's not your heart's desire. It's just a mild kink of yours. I won't bend for your lesser wants. Not without your concession. Be mine, David. You already are. Just admit it. Reject Him.
DAVID: And why? Are you ready to promise me my heart's desire? You don't need me, fine. Want to make this a business arrangement with perks? Let's do it. Let's make it cut and dry. So is this the part of the deal where I get my Equity card, a Broadway show, and a call from the Royal Shakespeare Company, or do you expect me to give up the faith of my fathers for more piddling work that gets me nowhere? Let's draw up a contract!
GOD/DESS: No one gets those promises.
DAVID: Then things wouldn't change. That's just great.
GOD/DESS: Things always change. They will get easier if you make it simpler. This shouldn't be hard, David.
DAVID: What is it? Why is this important? Don't I do enough? Are you afraid that I don't love you enough? I'm insignificant, right? Don't you have "thousands"? They should be enough for you if I'm so damned unimportant. How much of a God are you if you're that insecure?
GOD/DESS: You think you're funny. I will smite you David.
DAVID: Oh, will you make me shun fame? Struggle to make it indefinitely? I already have that. Wreck my romantic prospects? We've gone over that. You both do that. What are you going to do now? I'm already suffering, how else do you think you can hurt me?
GOD/DESS: (As the GOD/DESS speaks, she drains life out of DAVID. He shrinks to the floor.) You'll be forced to work out of my world. Work with numbers and paper and dull people. The same, day in and day out. You'll take busy work home and bring busy work back. You'll vaguely remember my joy without any way to revisit it. All this will be gone. (The GOD/DESS rips a poster off the wall.) You'll pine without outlet. I can hurt you David. Right now. You're not going to tech rehearsal. You're staying right here.
DAVID: (Stands with difficulty) You can't keep me anywhere. Since when are you the God of Transit?
GOD/DESS: It's dangerous to assume what a God can and cannot do, David.
DAVID: Well, I'm not going tonight anyway. I just decided. I'll call Frank, he'll finish without me.
(The phone rings.)
GOD/DESS: Tell him that.
(The phone continues to ring. As the machine kicks in, DAVID runs for it.)
DAVID: (on the phone) Hey, I'm here. I'm sorry, I've been held up. I'll be there as soon as I can. Yes. Yeah, I know, sorry. Bye. What? Shit. I'll, I'll call Jude and see if he can fix it. We'll find some money to pay him with, or I'll just call in a favor. It'll be fine, we don't have to Sure. See you soon.
(DAVID hangs up, then starts dialing Jude.)
GOD/DESS: (As DAVID dials.) You can't defy me, David.
DAVID: (Hangs up the phone.) Fine. I can't defy Him.
GOD/DESS: Yes you can. You're mine, David. You gave yourself to me, you can't go back.
DAVID: Then give me what I want. Give me the success I bleed for.
GOD/DESS: No, David.
DAVID: Why not?
GOD/DESS: Frankly, you don't deserve it.
DAVID: I don't deserve it.
GOD/DESS: Not now at least.
DAVID: That's rich. Didn't you just say I'm a gem?
GOD/DESS: You don't deserve it because you don't think you deserve it.
DAVID: I don't? That's absurd. That's completely absurd. With all the work I do, with all this slaving
GOD/DESS: You still don't think you deserve it. If I just give success to you, you'll know you didn't work for it and still think you don't deserve it. I don't waste gifts. Not to mention the obvious
DAVID: If I didn't think I deserved it, why would I still be doing this? Why would I be sending out for auditions, going to open calls every other week?
GOD/DESS: You go because you have to, David. And you never get it because you assume you won't.
DAVID: I'm in a show now!
GOD/DESS: You knew the director. You still think he just wanted you for your tech skills and not your acting chops. More importantly, you knew he'd let you off on Friday nights.
DAVID: I tried!
GOD/DESS: He gave you an out. No one else will, David. You say you want success. Sure. I can't give it to you because you won't let me. So you don't deserve it. Fix that first. (Pause.) Now, now, don't get huffy David. It's not as if there isn't an easy set of solutions here. (Pause.) You'll deserve it and know it when you make the right sacrifices, David. (Pause.) Stop it David, you're pouting. (Pause.) Well if you want to be immature about this whole thing, go right ahead. I will have you, by deed AND in word. Just so you know, you're no longer entertaining, but I'm going to fix that. . I'm using every mild method I know. One way or another, I will push you off your fence. I've hurt you David, I can hurt you much worse. Do you want to feel what a year without me really feels like?
DAVID: You're forcing my hand.
GOD/DESS: Forcing your what?
DAVID: You heard me.
GOD/DESS: Aw, are you threatening me? You're funny. Also dense. I will wreck your world, David.
DAVID: Please.
GOD/DESS: Just try it.
DAVID: Daddy's coming, Steph.
GOD/DESS: Jake, what are we going to do?
DAVID: He knows, he thinks you lied.
GOD/DESS: Keep him away from me, Jake. Help me.
DAVID: He's going to kill me, Steph. I'm headed out the back to get my stuff, you climb out to the fire escape and I'll meet you on the corner. We'll get away from here.
GOD/DESS: Where will we go? There's no place we can go.
DAVID: Somewhere, anywhere. I'll see you outside. Goodbye, sis. (He kisses her.)
GOD/DESS: I love you, brother. (She kisses him. He runs out. She tries to open a window, it's stuck. She sees Daddy coming. Lights fade during her speech.) No Daddy, I wasn't going anywhere. I didn't lie to you. I love you Daddy. No Daddy, please. Don't make me. Daddy, no. Oh God
(The GOD/DESS collapses in tears. Blackout.)
I had to go back to your previous blog and read the first part. I love it so far! For some reason it reminds me of growing up Catholic. I can't wait to read the rest
I can't say anything that does this proper justice... other than that I very much look forward to the rest.