Now Playing - The new Outkast, over, and over, and over.
Now Reading: Neil Gaiman - American Gods
So, what's on my mind... It's Friday night. It's 11:45 pm. And here I sit writing in my SG journal. I wish I had the option to do something besides this. I'm getting to that point where I don't have the money to actually leave my home, which is fine, but, everyone else wants to go out.
Being a former alcoholic trying to keep clean, it's tough. I don't know a single person that doesn't go drink every weekend. I simply can't be in bars. I don't have the self control. So, I'm racking up more and more books to read. I am becoming that stereotype. I'd rather curl up to a good book on Friday or Saturday night than go out and get loaded.
My two best friends have been acting like the biggest freaks as of late. I don't know what is wrong with them, but they seem to have formed a new alliance where the goal is to make myself and the 4th member of the troupe feel as awful about ourselves as possible. The worst thing is I've been through this. I've taken more verbal abuse in my lifetime than most. I think... Anyways, it's so hard to keep my mouth shut for the sake of not starting a fight.
On that note, I wish I wasn't saying this, but I'm thinking about moving out and getting my own place again. I am lucky enough to live with my 3 best friends, but in turn, I only want to be around one of them on a regular basis. The other two are very moddy 30 year old children. I'm fucking bi polar and I'm not near as moody as those two. I don't get it.
People that take their bullshit out on other people are complete fuckwads. If you're having a problem, deal with it. Don't load your crap on me. Gain some courage, face yourself, look in the mirror, deal with it.
Or mope and feel sorry for yourself for having an amazing life most people dream about. It's your call.
My therapist says I have a built in defense mechanism that doesn't allow me to trust people. She's partially right, but, for the most part, I can't get over the fuckwads. I have a hard time over looking certain faults in people. No matter how awesome I think they are, if they act life fucks once or twice, I'm done. I feel there is no point investing an ounce of myself in them if they aren't capable of acting like a civil person 99% of the time.
I was even lucky enough to have one of said "best friends" make jokes about getting head from a girl/friend I'm really close to and care about. Solely to get a rise out of me. Sure, it's all fun to fuck with each other. But that was specific enough to try and upset me. Not just ribbing.
I don't need this shit from anyone.
I better go and get this concrete out from under my fingernails.
Now Reading: Neil Gaiman - American Gods
So, what's on my mind... It's Friday night. It's 11:45 pm. And here I sit writing in my SG journal. I wish I had the option to do something besides this. I'm getting to that point where I don't have the money to actually leave my home, which is fine, but, everyone else wants to go out.
Being a former alcoholic trying to keep clean, it's tough. I don't know a single person that doesn't go drink every weekend. I simply can't be in bars. I don't have the self control. So, I'm racking up more and more books to read. I am becoming that stereotype. I'd rather curl up to a good book on Friday or Saturday night than go out and get loaded.
My two best friends have been acting like the biggest freaks as of late. I don't know what is wrong with them, but they seem to have formed a new alliance where the goal is to make myself and the 4th member of the troupe feel as awful about ourselves as possible. The worst thing is I've been through this. I've taken more verbal abuse in my lifetime than most. I think... Anyways, it's so hard to keep my mouth shut for the sake of not starting a fight.
On that note, I wish I wasn't saying this, but I'm thinking about moving out and getting my own place again. I am lucky enough to live with my 3 best friends, but in turn, I only want to be around one of them on a regular basis. The other two are very moddy 30 year old children. I'm fucking bi polar and I'm not near as moody as those two. I don't get it.
People that take their bullshit out on other people are complete fuckwads. If you're having a problem, deal with it. Don't load your crap on me. Gain some courage, face yourself, look in the mirror, deal with it.
Or mope and feel sorry for yourself for having an amazing life most people dream about. It's your call.
My therapist says I have a built in defense mechanism that doesn't allow me to trust people. She's partially right, but, for the most part, I can't get over the fuckwads. I have a hard time over looking certain faults in people. No matter how awesome I think they are, if they act life fucks once or twice, I'm done. I feel there is no point investing an ounce of myself in them if they aren't capable of acting like a civil person 99% of the time.
I was even lucky enough to have one of said "best friends" make jokes about getting head from a girl/friend I'm really close to and care about. Solely to get a rise out of me. Sure, it's all fun to fuck with each other. But that was specific enough to try and upset me. Not just ribbing.
I don't need this shit from anyone.
I better go and get this concrete out from under my fingernails.
muggan_music:
see the roses really smell like poo poo poo.
