song to discribe my life right now: "Bleed Like Me" - Garbage
heres some of the lyrics:
"she take dad's scissors to her skin, and when shes done relief comes setting in, while she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes, she sings: hey baby can you bleed like me? you should see my scars you should see my scars"
okay... the night before last... thinking about Cricket.. i began cutting and slicing.. now.. my entier right thigh is COVERED in cuts... some so deep that when i walk around they re-open themselves up.
Sunday when i had to open up Sally's i was sitting there thinking about Joey, MagicNinja i missed him...
then the weirdest thing happened a few minutes later.. i came out of the back room and he was standing there... i looked up at him in surprise... he told me he missed him.. and i told him about the whole Cricket situation (cheating on me with Torri) and he hugged him close... he skipped work to hang out with me that day. and we talked.. i drove him around again and took him on 'adventures' then he had told me he wanted to be with me since before Cricket asked me out.. and that the offer for me to take him still stands. he told me that he would treat me the way i need to be treated, and give me his full attention. there was also a conversation about how he wants to be married by the time he is 30, and that i should marry him if he isnt, so i said yes and we pinky-swore on it. so i guess i will be married in 6 years.
i need to get my hoodie back from Cricket. i went over to Travis' tonite... he was still wearing the key around his neck.. i guess TECHNICALLY i am still with him.. the letter i wront him said i wanted to take a PAUSE and that i wasnt breaking up with him. but i need to break it off.. i look at my thigh.. and i showed Paul and i know im better off... look what he makes me do to myself... im better off. i desurve better damnit. i love him but i cant do this... and right now at the moment. i am actually HAPPY today i was happy all day. i dont know if its cuz i havnt been with cricket... or because i hung out with Joey yesterday... or ,maybe ts the Cortislim speaking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
heres i song i am working on about the Cricket thing.
Wasted April
I wasted April,
This love was unexpected,
Impolses are strong,
When i just cant carry on.
I get these suicial dream,
from missed memories,
but you still hold the key,
and now i'm a mess
with and without you here.
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
If you could count,
how many times,
ive tried to just empty my heart,
with a sliced vein,
and see the red dripping down,
like thick tears.
You just might take another look at me,
and wish you had spend another moment,
like the time when the air was cold,
and you covered me to keep me warm.
now i'm empty,
and you wasted your chances,
like i wasted April.
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
I wonder,
do you ever cry yourself to sleep,
like i do?
and try to suffocate your screams with a pillow?
or hope you wont wake up tomarrow?
or feel this pitty and sarrow,
to know you wasted April?
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and i meant every word that i said,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
I have to look away,
i dont think your for me,
and to cease my sarrow,
I wont waste tomarrow.
heres some of the lyrics:
"she take dad's scissors to her skin, and when shes done relief comes setting in, while she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes, she sings: hey baby can you bleed like me? you should see my scars you should see my scars"
okay... the night before last... thinking about Cricket.. i began cutting and slicing.. now.. my entier right thigh is COVERED in cuts... some so deep that when i walk around they re-open themselves up.
Sunday when i had to open up Sally's i was sitting there thinking about Joey, MagicNinja i missed him...
then the weirdest thing happened a few minutes later.. i came out of the back room and he was standing there... i looked up at him in surprise... he told me he missed him.. and i told him about the whole Cricket situation (cheating on me with Torri) and he hugged him close... he skipped work to hang out with me that day. and we talked.. i drove him around again and took him on 'adventures' then he had told me he wanted to be with me since before Cricket asked me out.. and that the offer for me to take him still stands. he told me that he would treat me the way i need to be treated, and give me his full attention. there was also a conversation about how he wants to be married by the time he is 30, and that i should marry him if he isnt, so i said yes and we pinky-swore on it. so i guess i will be married in 6 years.
i need to get my hoodie back from Cricket. i went over to Travis' tonite... he was still wearing the key around his neck.. i guess TECHNICALLY i am still with him.. the letter i wront him said i wanted to take a PAUSE and that i wasnt breaking up with him. but i need to break it off.. i look at my thigh.. and i showed Paul and i know im better off... look what he makes me do to myself... im better off. i desurve better damnit. i love him but i cant do this... and right now at the moment. i am actually HAPPY today i was happy all day. i dont know if its cuz i havnt been with cricket... or because i hung out with Joey yesterday... or ,maybe ts the Cortislim speaking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
heres i song i am working on about the Cricket thing.
Wasted April
I wasted April,
This love was unexpected,
Impolses are strong,
When i just cant carry on.
I get these suicial dream,
from missed memories,
but you still hold the key,
and now i'm a mess
with and without you here.
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
If you could count,
how many times,
ive tried to just empty my heart,
with a sliced vein,
and see the red dripping down,
like thick tears.
You just might take another look at me,
and wish you had spend another moment,
like the time when the air was cold,
and you covered me to keep me warm.
now i'm empty,
and you wasted your chances,
like i wasted April.
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
I wonder,
do you ever cry yourself to sleep,
like i do?
and try to suffocate your screams with a pillow?
or hope you wont wake up tomarrow?
or feel this pitty and sarrow,
to know you wasted April?
CHORUS:
I cant shake the saddness,
so, i will slice myself for you,
and i will wipe the pain away,
from this,
cuz i cant erase you,
or this look in your eyes,
when we looked at those stars,
and i meant every word that i said,
and forever you will hold,
a piece of my happiness,
from the wasted April love.
I have to look away,
i dont think your for me,
and to cease my sarrow,
I wont waste tomarrow.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Your song's cool btw, from personaly experince that's a much better way to try n deal with your feelings n express yourself. Way better than the cutting thing.
Anyways take care n be strong