alilland17

i have to admit that marriage and commitment has always been something super terrifying to me. i'm really good at the seduction and disappear thing. the sticking around and being in an actual relationship? not really my thing.

previously anyway. since the wedding is now 27 days away...and i'm insanely calm about the idea of being with one person for the rest of my life...i'm kinda enjoying the whole monogamy thing. of course i've done the long term relationship thing in the past...but to be honest i kinda sucked at it. it's completely cliche, but my heart just wasn't in it.

now that i've found somebody who i'm not only not scared to be with for the rest of my life, but actualy looking forward to spending my life with....i find there are some pretty sweet advantages to having a partner around. all the time.


like sex anytime...for no reason...at all. this weekend has been pretty intense....as a matter of fact we're taking an intentional break tonight...i'm a bit sore.

while the sex is a totally phenomenal bonus...i would be lying if i said i didn't enjoy having somebody to listen to me bitch all the time. or sing. or laugh. or ramble. i'm semi-incoherent tonight. lack of sleep and sinus infection has made me...useless at best....and more than a bit annoying. but that's a cool thing about a monogamous relationship....and one that you're actually invested in. even in our most vulnerable or embarrassing moments there's somebody by our side. which used to frustrate the hell out of me...honestly my singing and dancing could be interrupted as massive seizures....but now...i get all sad if i'm by myself. or i go to say something and i'm the only one there to laugh at it. i guess it's a true story that you kinda just...feel when the right person comes along. cause the vulnerability and the embarrassment goes away...and it's just this comfortable level of being.

and of course...having phenomenal sex.