The well was pretty dry yesterday and I didn't reach my word goal and I am now on my third day of a seemingly endless migraine. It was pretty bad this morning, enough to make me cry out in pain. I took a fist full of ibuprofen and it seems to be helping. I have actual migraine medication but it doesn't really help. So here...
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When you can hardly leave the house, you have no friends, you live with your mother who you tread on eggshells around, you are cripplingly depressed, it takes you all night to go to bed because of these crazy rituals you've suddenly found yourself doing, and worst of all, the internet hasn't been invented yet you have to look elsewhere for solace.
I turned inwards....
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I watched two episodes of The Queen's Gambit and one one Riverdale. That's a lot of tv for me in one day. When I look back at what I've done in one day the answer is usually very little. but my day usually feels like I have been kept busy and my time has been well spent. That's because I've spent it lost in my...
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firefox:
I’ve watched all of the queens gambit and really enjoyed it
Everyone has been talking about how good The Queen's Gambit is on Netflix, so I just watched the first episode. It lived up to the hype and I'm looking forward to watching the rest. An old boyfriend (the one Mark was wildly jealous of) taught me to play chess years ago, but we only played a few times so it never really stuck. I've forgotten...
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Another extremely grey and wet day in Pingley. It is getting dark already and it's only four o'clock. My period just started. When I got in from my walk yesterday there was a huge hoverfly on my livingroom window. It hung around there for ages. Dante wasn't bothered, usually he leaps to attack any winged creature that dares encroach on his territory. It sat on...
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portrait_artist:
I'm Jeff. I notice insects too, sometimes I hallucinate that a particular insect has a kind of significance, but usually not. There are silverfish in my apartment, and I am making a study of them. Some days I squish them and other days I don't. You had lot of mercy on the hoverfly, while at the same time wishing the cat would get it.
portrait_artist:
All of us are filled with contradictions like that.
I played piano for a little while this afternoon. Erik Satie's Gnossiennes. Sparse, jerky, sad pieces of music. They fit the autumnal day. It has been foggy for days. The park opposite our limestone townhouse is empty, except for occasional dog walkers. Wet leaves lie in the gutter. I like days like this. It's comfortably sad and rich in atmosphere. Potent with drowsy possibilities.
James,...
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I was disappointed I hadn't just run into him in the first place I went into. What would I do when I saw him anyway? There were pubs and bars wherever I looked. Shoppers sat outside having a drink before hitting the cinema after a day in town. Partiers just getting started on a big night out. Everyone looking for something. I felt lost.
I...
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I was out for a run with granny and granddad's fox coloured dog. It was a blazing summer day. We ran down the side of the school and could see some lads playing football on the patch of grass across the street. They were always there when it was sunny. As we ran past the ball skidded in front of us and bounced off the...
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I've seen a lot of mental health professionals over the years. Mostly in my teens and twenties. They've kind of left to putter about to my own devices now. There's only so much they can do. I'm glad I'm alive in the era that I am. Not so long ago I would have been flung in an asylum and left to walk around in circles...
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Not in a writing frame of mind today but I committed to nanowrimo so I must. Had a lovely walk along the beach with my mum and her cocker spaniel Georgie who is scrumptious. As soon as he saw me he threw himself on his back for belly rubs right in the middle of the street, the adorable little moron. It was really sunny and...
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alicerowena:
Thank you for the insight, that's a really perceptive comment and it's helpful to me to know how it comes across. Part of the story is my own experience, but obviously it will be taken to a dark extreme which I find fascinating and yet relatable somehow. I started suffering from depression and anxiety when I was in my teens but had it for a long time before I got any meaningful treatment, which is what we can see happening to the main character here. She is developing some seemingly harmless coping strategies. Nobody in her life is really looking out for her, or is really equipped to deal with it.
alicerowena:
@portrait_artist Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me.