I don’t really know what my mum’s mother was like as a parent, especially after her husband left leaving her with their four daughters to raise alone. Our family doesn’t have personal conversations, and only my mum has ever been allowed to have emotions (specifically anger) and then only at home behind closed doors.
I get the feeling my granny was quite controlling and had a mean streak. Mum used to say frequently she never wanted to end up like her.
She did though. I think Granny would probably spin in her grave at some of my mum’s antics.
My mum and step dad aren’t actually married. They’ve both been married before and don’t plan on doing it again, but they got engaged soon after they moved in together and have been a couple for nineteen years. It’s easier just to call him my step dad than my mum’s live-in boyfriend or bidey-in, which is probably my favourite Scottish word. Despite being in a committed relationship everything is kept separate. They take turns in paying for the groceries. The house is rented but it’s mum’s name on the rent book so it’s her house and he lives in it with her and pays her rent. They got a dog, but mum paid for it so it’s her dog and what she says goes. She does complain to me that he doesn’t contribute enough to buying the dog toys and other dogcentric things though, even though it’s one hundred percent her dog. Everything is closely controlled and monitored so no one (ie him) gets away with not paying their entire fair share or touching something that doesn’t belong to them. Next month they will have been together twenty years and she still hovers over him like a hawk when he is doing anything in case he breaks anything or damages anything in her (not their) house. She just can’t let go of the reins for a second. This is what she was like when we were growing up.
On of her most egregious moments of insanity involved step dad’s daughter. He and his ex wife had a teenage daughter. After him and my mum got together she realised their relationship was over for good and there was nothing left for her in Pingley any more. She decided to move back to England where she was originally from. Obviously step dad saw his daughter a lot less after this which was very difficult for him as he doted on her. She came up to visit on the train one time, she must have been fifteen or sixteen. When she arrived she asked her dad if she could call her mum to let her know she had got her safely. Her dad said of course she could.
A couple of days later I met mum for lunch. We used to meet for lunch once a week, and I went down for Sunday dinner too. I never really enjoyed it, I was always waiting for a rage explosion in Sundays and at lunch she just moaned and complained and I hated listening to it. I rarely spoke and just let her talk.
We were having our baguettes and she was telling me what they got up to whilst step dad’s daughter had been visiting. She told me at great length how furious she was because step dad had let his daughter use the phone without seeking her permission first. I don’t mean his daughter should have got mum’s permission. Step dad should have got mum’s permission for his daughter to use the phone. Her phone in her house. The phone was in her name so step dad needed mum’s permission.
I was stunned into disbelief by her fucking appalling nastiness. I should add step dad was a sergeant in the army, how was he letting this bitch keep his balls in her handbag like this? I didn’t say a word. I was cowardly too. I wanted to tell her to never say a word about it to step dad, because if he had an ounce of self respect he’d pack his bags and you wouldn’t see him for dust. A woman like that should die alone. But it wasn’t worth the argument it would cause. I was still frightened of her too if I’m honest. This was often how our lunches went. I sat silently as she complained about crazy things that no rational person should ever give a shit about. I dealt with it by flipping her off behind her back or under the table. That was very satisfying.
Mum never ended up like Granny. She was far worse.