alicerowena

Halfway through nanowrimo today and it's also my dad's birthday. I didn't even realise it was his birthday until my mum mentioned it in her constant stream of chat. We went for a walk in the rain with her dog earlier. He was so slick with water he looked like he'd been Brylcreemed and my hand came away gritty and hairy when I gave him a vigorous chest rub. Mum even mentioned my niece and asked if I was still in contact with her. She has never mentioned her out of the blue like that before. I have been it touch with my niece for years, it just took me a very long time to pluck up the courage to tel my mum that. Pathetic, I know. Also, I like having a secret and enjoyed keeping it from her.

*

I like kissing out of doors. Your noses often feel cold against each other and the insides of your lips feel cold in a way that is always new every time. It always takes me by surprise and I can never grasp the sensation enough in my memory for it not to take my breath away every time.

Something feels complete between me and Ray now, like we have sealed our fate or signed a deal.

We stumble into a taxi back to my granny and granddad's house. I suddenly feel a bit nervous. I have been staying with then every holidays my whole life, they're like a second set of parents to me. I have never gone to a nightclub before, or sought their permission for it. I've left school but I'm still not eighteen. I have no idea what they will think or if I'm in any sort of trouble with them. It has just never come up before.

I ask the taxi to let us out at the end of the street. It's all I have money left for, and I no Ray doesn't have any either. Ray slips his hand into mine as we walk along the row of bungalows and neat gardens. I put a finger over my lips indicating to Ray to be quiet as I slip my front door key in the lock. We tiptoe inside and hang up our coats.

I open the living door and turn the light on. I stop exactly where I am and Ray trips over his feet. Granddad is sat on his armchair tapping the curved wooded top of his walking stick impatiently.

'Granddad!' I gasp, taken by surprise.

'You made it home then, young lady. Your granny was worried about you. What do you think you're playing at?'

'Well, I wanted to go into town. I'll be eighteen in a few weeks Granddad, you can't expect me to play in the street anymore.'

Granddad sighed heavily. 'I'm well aware what age you are Khalilah. But you're in my house and you can't go sneaking off like that. You let your granny and I know where you're going. It's not safe for a young lass out there. And who's this you've dragged in with ye?' He scowled at Ray. 'Come on lad, let's see ye.'

Ray stepped forward. 'Eh, hullo Mr Orkney,' he said bashfully. He looked at me. 'Jesus Khalilah, you didn't tell me your granddad was George Orkney.

I arched my eyebrows. 'I'm sure I did, you know.'

'Yer what!' yelped Ray. George Orkney is a legend! Khalilah, George Orkney is like..'

'My granddad,' I said flatly.

Granddad chuckled. 'So you like the hurling, Ray lad?' he asked.

'Ah yeah, love it,' Ray enthused. 'I played in school and that but footballs my game.'

'Yes, I've seen you around, lad,' said granddad. 'You've got quite a fierce reputation on the pitch.' Ray beamed. Granddad got to his feet.

'Well, me and Ray are just going to get a cup of tea and maybe some toast then he's going to head home,' I told him.

'Alright then lass,' he said, squeezing past me through the door. 'You can apologise to your granny for worrying her in the morning,' he said as he mounted the stairs to bed.

I led Ray through the living room to the kitchen. He watched me fill the kettle and put thick slices of white bread into the toaster. There was a dining table with a padded bench on either side. Ray straddled a bench and I joined him as I waited for the water to boil. I felt brave so I leaned over and kissed him lightly. He kissed me back and said with amazement, ' I can't believe your granddad is George Orkney.'

I laughed through my nose and asked, 'Is he really that great? I mean, I know he was a great hurler, but legend is taking it a bit far surely? He's just my granddad.'

'Shut yer mouth, woman!' he chided me. The kettle clicked and I got up to make us tea. 'George Orkney is a Cork legend, an Irish legend. He led his team into battle and was absolutely fearless. An absolute beast of a man. I never saw him play, I'm too young. My dad and granddad have told me loads of stories though, he's a real hero to Cork lads.'

The toaster popped up and I quickly whipped the toast onto plates and started spreading jam on it. 'I mean, I knew he was captain of his team and he won trophies and he looked like a viking, but I had no idea he inspired this kind of reverence.'

I sat down opposite Ray with set down the tea and toast.

'Are you kidding me?' he said, 'He's right up there on my list of all time heroes.'

'Wow,' I said, holding my toast in midair. 'Looks like I've underestimated my granddad.'

We finished our tea and I put the dishes in the sink. I noticed the kitchen clock said it was 12.45am. I'd never been out this late before.

We went through to the living room and I put the tv on. It was just for some background light as we weren't watching it. We sat down next to each other on my grandparents tan coloured settee. My stomach suddenly went into knots. I was nervous and maddeningly excited in equal measure. My stomach made loud gurgly noises.

After a few minutes of quiet Ray said, 'So, did your mam get married again?'

'What are you talking about? I asked.

'Well, in the club you said it was just you and your dad at home.'

'Oh yeah,' I remembered. In the club over the music we told each other about our families. I told him I lived in Edinburgh with my dad because my mum left us when I was eleven, which was the truth. 'Kind of, I suppose,' I said.

'What, like she likes with a fella?' he asked.

I couldn't help but laugh at this. Ray looked confused.

'Sorry Ray, I'm not laughing at you. And no, she doesn't live with a boyfriend. She doesn't have boyfriends anymore,' I told him.

'What, you mean she plays for the other side?' he said, incredulously.

'No, I honestly wouldn't mind that,' I said, 'I'd find that easier to wrap my head around.'

Then, what is it then?' Ray asked.

'Well,' I took in a deep breath. 'Mum decided to enter a convent.' Ray gasped but let me continue. 'I came home from school and she had gone. No goodbyes, no nothing. She's a nun now, somewhere in Ireland I believe, I've never tried to find out.'

Ray was quiet for a moment. 'That's..I'm so sorry Khalilah, that's fucking terrible.'

This made me smile. A genuine, sad smile. He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his chest. I breathed in his smell and felt sleepy and more alive than I had ever felt. He smelled of other people cigarette smoke, outdoors, washing powder, the inside of his house which I hadn't been inside yet, and the warmth of his skin. I stayed the for a long time.

After a while Ray spoke. 'Khalilah?'

'Yeah?'

'You know that day? When you ran past in the park?'

I almost shuddered. 'Yes. I very much remember it Ray.'

'I was really struck by you.'

These are the best words anyone has ever said to me, nothing will top this moment. I'm sweating.

'Me too. Why do you think I came back the next day?' I heard him smile in the dark.

'I was hoping I would see you again.'

'I went out of my way to see you again,' I told him.

'I had no idea at all who you were. None of the lads had ever seen you before.'

(They must have been talking about me.)

'And then you tap me on the shoulder tonight, I couldn't believe my luck,' he said.

'Well,' I began, 'I just asked myself where would a young football playing lad be on a Saturday night and took it from there.' Very casual, like.

He looked straight at me for a long moment. I loved it but being intensely gazed at was making me uncomfortable.

'What?' I asked, to alleviate my discomfort, and honestly to fish for compliments.

He didn't say anything. He brush my hair away from my cheek and kissed me. He kissed me with a greater intensity than we had by the river Lee. Soon we found ourselves tangled in each other. My legs wrapped around his, our hands tightly gripping each other. We spent what seemed like hours like this. It was absolute heaven.

Eventually Ray announced he had better leave. It was late and we were both painfully aware my grandparents were upstairs. At around four in the morning, with promises to see each other soon, I kissed him goodnight.