Just here to work out some stuff.
I wasn't planning on doing nanowrimo this year. Covid has taken it's toll on my mental health and I don't think I could do it justice. I haven't really written anything for ages. I have two half written novels already waiting for me to flesh them out and make them whole.
I was out for a walk last night. It was beginning to get dark. Wedgewood blue sky. Early enough plenty of people hadn't sat down to dinner yet, but still dark enough for me to be pissed off that I was feeling uneasy about being out alone and having to feel alert about my surroundings. It was a leafy street of old town houses that I could never afford to live in but some of my childhood friends grew up in, with a long row of parks across the street. Red and yellow leaves swirled in the gutter and crunched under my feet. October has always been my favourite time to write and it creates an atmosphere I want to write about. In fact, I want to write a novel called My October Book. So far I only have the title though. I like it. It's sitting in my head biding it's time.
As I was walking along I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. I hate crying because it always gives me a terrible headache, but tears were coming into my eyes. My mental health is shaky. That's when the thought popped into my head. Why don't I use this feeling. When life gives you lemons and all that. One of my favourite phrases is 'in every crisis lies opportunity' and last night whilst I was out for a walk it felt like a good opportunity. Take those suffocating, claustrophobic feelings of despair and darkness and write a story.
About...
From being home so much these past months/seasons I've spent so much time online. The internet is our second home. My literary home is modern female gothic and I'm fascinated by the idea of stalking. People spend so much time reading about celebrities, gossiping about celebrities, tweeting awful shit at them, cyberbullying them. I don't really care about celebrities. (Lies, I totally do, just not the vapid ones.) I get obsessed with people as much as the next person. I also love the idea we have no idea what goes on in the next person's mind, or behind closed doors, or on someone's hard drive or phone records.
So, what about a story about a woman who stalks people online. Not celebrities. Just regular people. Maybe just one person. She has to fall obsessively on love with a man. She has to be socially maladjusted and unbalanced to be stalking people in the first place. So, she has a backstory of... neglect. Abuse. Nobody has shown her how to love appropriately. She is ravenously hungry for love but doesn't know how to get it.
Then she sees... Ray.
Hmmm. I think I have talked myself into doing Nanowrimo.