alexys

i've handled things all wrong, but only because i didn't know how else to handle them. i started smoking again, late at night when no one was around and it made me feel like a failure. i found myself tearing pages out of phonebooks, and picking up my receiver to see if i could hear you breathing on the other end, but i never did. and i never once dialed those seven digits. i had fitful sleep of you and your goddam ugly girlfriend. i have a reverse case. usually i feel inadequate cause they're perfect. now i dont know what to feel. you've awoken a part of me i didnt know still existed. the part that only came out when i lived in other countries and drank entire pots of coffee, mixed with moonlight and not seeing/speaking to another human being for 13 days on end. and i can't say that i hate you for it. i've handled this all wrong, but only because i didn't know how else to handle it.