I should be updating my non sg blog as it's been months since I've written anything. But I don't feel like I can get so personal on that blog.
I'm depressed. I haven't been depressed in a long time and somehow that makes it so much harder to deal with. Very recently I was epically happy.
If you don't know, I spent a year planning a big trip to central and south america. I was to be gone for a whole year, slowly moving from country to country starting in Mexico and ending in Chile. I saved money, planned, sold all my possessions and left my dog with my best friend. It was to be an epic adventure, a story to tell potential grandchildren.
Two months and only four countries into my trip there was a storm where I was camping in a tent and a massive tree fell and nearly broke my back.
You can read the story on my other blog Vagabundeando.
It's a pretty intense story.
The insurance didn't cover anything (big surprise) but thankfully Nicaragua is a socialist country and the hospital was mostly free.
Not wanting to give in to defeat, I spent a month on my back in a bed in Nicaragua. After a month I had to concede that I needed to go home.
Now it's been three months and 11 chiropractor visits and I'm still recovering. I'm living in my best friends dinning room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a depressing area of Miami. For the past three months I have been able to physically do very little. I've lost motivation to do much of anything. I put so much into the planning of this trip and had such high hopes. I never would have dreamed that only two months in it would all be over because of a tree. I know it could be so much worse. Every time I see someone in a wheelchair I thank the mythical baby jesus that my back didn't get bent one centimeter more than it did. I could have died, should have died. When you think about it, I'm lucky. But when you think about it a bit harder you realize, I was hit by a fucking tree. A fucking tree fell on ME of all the trees that could fall and all the places it could fall it fell on ME. It sounds completely absurd but it's true.
Recently I have been progressing and it's become conceivable to me that someday I'll be back to normal. And just when that starts to happen I get a nasty upper respiratory infection. That fades away and then one random night I start to feel extremely dizzy. The kind of dizzy you get when you have had WAY too much to drink and there's nothing left to do but lie down and hope tomorrow won't be so bad.
I awoke to find that the dizziness was worse. Within a half hour of being awake I was throwing up and continued throwing up every ten minutes (no exaggeration) until I was in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm once again. Wasn't I just here?
The doctor told me I have Labyrinthitus. So it was back to bed for me, and just when I was getting better. The pills she gave me quiet the nausea but I've been outrageously dizzy ever since. That was Tuesday, it's Sunday now. Every morning I wake up hoping my vision will be better and the vertigo will be gone but every morning I wake up and the ground is still unsteady below my feet.
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. What the hell did I do to deserve all this? I've basically been in bed for three months. And not even my own bed. Someone else's bed in someone else's house with absolutely nothing going on. My entire life is on hold at the moment. My muscles are withering away and just when I thought I was better enough to start doing light exorcise I get fluid in my inner ears that throws off my whole equilibrium rendering me just about useless. Not to mention the flashbacks I'm still having of my body crumpling to the ground under the weight of a giant tree. Is this some sort of cruel joke? Is there such a thing as voodoo and I just pissed off the wrong person? What the fuck is going on!
I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to put on a pair of heels. I want to go for a run. I want to go to a bar. I want to have sex! Long lasting, passionate no holds bared sex that doesn't hurt my back or make me nauseous.
I WANT TO BE NORMAL!
Sorry for the pity party guys. But I'm really starting to lose it.
FUCK!
I'm depressed. I haven't been depressed in a long time and somehow that makes it so much harder to deal with. Very recently I was epically happy.
If you don't know, I spent a year planning a big trip to central and south america. I was to be gone for a whole year, slowly moving from country to country starting in Mexico and ending in Chile. I saved money, planned, sold all my possessions and left my dog with my best friend. It was to be an epic adventure, a story to tell potential grandchildren.
Two months and only four countries into my trip there was a storm where I was camping in a tent and a massive tree fell and nearly broke my back.
You can read the story on my other blog Vagabundeando.
It's a pretty intense story.
The insurance didn't cover anything (big surprise) but thankfully Nicaragua is a socialist country and the hospital was mostly free.
Not wanting to give in to defeat, I spent a month on my back in a bed in Nicaragua. After a month I had to concede that I needed to go home.
Now it's been three months and 11 chiropractor visits and I'm still recovering. I'm living in my best friends dinning room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a depressing area of Miami. For the past three months I have been able to physically do very little. I've lost motivation to do much of anything. I put so much into the planning of this trip and had such high hopes. I never would have dreamed that only two months in it would all be over because of a tree. I know it could be so much worse. Every time I see someone in a wheelchair I thank the mythical baby jesus that my back didn't get bent one centimeter more than it did. I could have died, should have died. When you think about it, I'm lucky. But when you think about it a bit harder you realize, I was hit by a fucking tree. A fucking tree fell on ME of all the trees that could fall and all the places it could fall it fell on ME. It sounds completely absurd but it's true.
Recently I have been progressing and it's become conceivable to me that someday I'll be back to normal. And just when that starts to happen I get a nasty upper respiratory infection. That fades away and then one random night I start to feel extremely dizzy. The kind of dizzy you get when you have had WAY too much to drink and there's nothing left to do but lie down and hope tomorrow won't be so bad.
I awoke to find that the dizziness was worse. Within a half hour of being awake I was throwing up and continued throwing up every ten minutes (no exaggeration) until I was in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm once again. Wasn't I just here?
The doctor told me I have Labyrinthitus. So it was back to bed for me, and just when I was getting better. The pills she gave me quiet the nausea but I've been outrageously dizzy ever since. That was Tuesday, it's Sunday now. Every morning I wake up hoping my vision will be better and the vertigo will be gone but every morning I wake up and the ground is still unsteady below my feet.
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. What the hell did I do to deserve all this? I've basically been in bed for three months. And not even my own bed. Someone else's bed in someone else's house with absolutely nothing going on. My entire life is on hold at the moment. My muscles are withering away and just when I thought I was better enough to start doing light exorcise I get fluid in my inner ears that throws off my whole equilibrium rendering me just about useless. Not to mention the flashbacks I'm still having of my body crumpling to the ground under the weight of a giant tree. Is this some sort of cruel joke? Is there such a thing as voodoo and I just pissed off the wrong person? What the fuck is going on!
I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to put on a pair of heels. I want to go for a run. I want to go to a bar. I want to have sex! Long lasting, passionate no holds bared sex that doesn't hurt my back or make me nauseous.
I WANT TO BE NORMAL!
Sorry for the pity party guys. But I'm really starting to lose it.
FUCK!
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
I just hope things get better for you.