alexsandria

Like so many people told me when I was younger, life is a rollercoaster. Im feeling the inertia of the fall.
Breaking up is hard.
It isnt a surprise. I knew that by the end of the summer he would be leaving to further his education and I would not be following.
Because I love him, and because I knew he would never stop hoping for me to change my mind by the time he left, I have expedited the deadline.
Im going to miss him terribly. Hes done more for me, and been there more for me, than anyone else in my life. I wish I could say that someday everything will have been forgotten, and that all will be healed. But I know there will always be a sore spot in my heart, knowing that I broke the heart of the one man who has ever really been there for me. And I know he wont heal from this for a long time. He may not heal at all. Countless times he has told me how even in his marriage he has never known love like the love he has for me. I wish he had never said such things to me.
Im approaching the trough, so Im sure the journey back up to the crest will commence in just a little while.
Two years ago I wrote a poem that expressed how I felt about myself at the time. At that time in my life I seemed to be breaking hearts consistently. It seemed everyday someone else was proclaiming their love for me and I could never return it.
This old poem seems to express how I feel quite well right now

Behind The Curtain

My tongue is a thorn coated in a poison that brings euphoria just before a choking death.
Beware, I'll try to keep it contained, but if you happen to brush up against my lips just the right way they'll spread apart and expose my poisoned thorn
To drip right into your mouth.
And I'll add another notch to my belt, and another knot to the noose.
One day the villagers are going to realize the cause of these mysterious deaths,
And gather around to open that trap door under my feet and I'll forever hang,
Pecked to the skeleton by the vultures who have sat, oh so patiently,
waiting for my inevitable fall.