dear boys,
since my weekend has totally sucked, it would be wicked awesome if someone took me to walk around deering oaks park tomorrow, because i drove by it today on the way to get my prescription filled (for el fucked up finger) and i really wanted to just go sit on the grass.
the end.
so... last night i got about 4 hours of sleep. which, you know, normally doesnt bother me that much. i woke up in EXCRUTIATING pain from my finger. maaaan not good. so i said "oh well, fuck it", cried a little while changing my bandaid, got a bagel with peanut butter and some ice tea, and went to work in ogunquit.
get to ogunquit around 9, still in shit tons of pain. store is packed immediately after i open, and im all alone til about 10:30-11. so i sell a camera, and it was the last one, and apparently i put the wrong camera in the right box. BIG NOT GOOD. but im getting ahead of myself.
my boss comes in, and is totally horrified by my finger. she tells me i NEED to go to the ER. so after mulling it over, i call my mom, who says "dont worry about the bill, we'll help you if you need it". leave work at 11:30 and head to wells urgent care (3-4 miles away up rt. 1). TAKES ME HALF A FUCKIN HOUR TO GET THERE...
get to urgent care, and wait TWO FUCKING HOURS to get seen. jesus CHRIST. by this point, im stressed out because i had to be at work by 4 in portland, and it was already almost 2. my finger fucking hurt, i was stressed out after waiting that long, and basically threw myself into an anxiety attack. wonderful.
blood pressure: 166/103. FUCK. ha! my skin was beat red and i was shaking. ER nurse was like "weird", i didnt tell her i was freaking out because frankly, i dont give a fuck, normally i can handle these types of things. plus, the automated blood pressure thing squeezed so tight it gave me a big ass bruise on the inside of my arm.
so then i calm myself down a little bit and get seen by a doctor. diagnosis: im a dumbass and DEFINATELY should've had stitches, but it was too late now. cleaned it out, gave me a tetanus shot (owwww arm ache tonight!), gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and bandaged me up. i dont know how much it's going to cost. not cheap. yay for no health insurance (obviously, i need to marry rich. hahahaha. HA.hah)
so then i call out of work because im like "fuck this." im not getting my finger wet and having it get infected. fuck that. if they dont fucking like it, they can suck my dick. i've NEVER called out. ever. jesus. and i know that im just going to get a fuckload of shit when i go into work next.
anyway, on my drive back up 95 home, i had a panic/anxiety attack. BIG time. like... nearly blacking out, couldnt breathe, heart racing... notttttt gooooood. they're really scary because it's hard to maintain control enough (especially when going 65 mph) to tell yourself to calm the fuck down and breathe. if you've never had a panic/anxiety attack, theyre hard to describe. it's like there's someone pushing down on your chest and throat, or like you have a plastic bag on your head, and no matter how deeply you breathe, you're not getting any oxygen.
then i called my mom 7 times. haha. i think i thoroughly annoyed her today. oh well. that's what moms are for, putting up with me freaking out.
in conclusion, i dont really know what to do about the anxiety thing. no health insurance = no help with medication to level me out so my blood pressure doesnt skyrocket like that every time i get really stressed out. that's REALLY not healthy. the older i get, the worse it's going to be, because im at a high risk for heart attacks.
fuckshitdamn.
oh well. day off tomorrow. someone should come by and cuddle with me.
since my weekend has totally sucked, it would be wicked awesome if someone took me to walk around deering oaks park tomorrow, because i drove by it today on the way to get my prescription filled (for el fucked up finger) and i really wanted to just go sit on the grass.
the end.
so... last night i got about 4 hours of sleep. which, you know, normally doesnt bother me that much. i woke up in EXCRUTIATING pain from my finger. maaaan not good. so i said "oh well, fuck it", cried a little while changing my bandaid, got a bagel with peanut butter and some ice tea, and went to work in ogunquit.
get to ogunquit around 9, still in shit tons of pain. store is packed immediately after i open, and im all alone til about 10:30-11. so i sell a camera, and it was the last one, and apparently i put the wrong camera in the right box. BIG NOT GOOD. but im getting ahead of myself.
my boss comes in, and is totally horrified by my finger. she tells me i NEED to go to the ER. so after mulling it over, i call my mom, who says "dont worry about the bill, we'll help you if you need it". leave work at 11:30 and head to wells urgent care (3-4 miles away up rt. 1). TAKES ME HALF A FUCKIN HOUR TO GET THERE...
get to urgent care, and wait TWO FUCKING HOURS to get seen. jesus CHRIST. by this point, im stressed out because i had to be at work by 4 in portland, and it was already almost 2. my finger fucking hurt, i was stressed out after waiting that long, and basically threw myself into an anxiety attack. wonderful.
blood pressure: 166/103. FUCK. ha! my skin was beat red and i was shaking. ER nurse was like "weird", i didnt tell her i was freaking out because frankly, i dont give a fuck, normally i can handle these types of things. plus, the automated blood pressure thing squeezed so tight it gave me a big ass bruise on the inside of my arm.
so then i calm myself down a little bit and get seen by a doctor. diagnosis: im a dumbass and DEFINATELY should've had stitches, but it was too late now. cleaned it out, gave me a tetanus shot (owwww arm ache tonight!), gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and bandaged me up. i dont know how much it's going to cost. not cheap. yay for no health insurance (obviously, i need to marry rich. hahahaha. HA.hah)
so then i call out of work because im like "fuck this." im not getting my finger wet and having it get infected. fuck that. if they dont fucking like it, they can suck my dick. i've NEVER called out. ever. jesus. and i know that im just going to get a fuckload of shit when i go into work next.
anyway, on my drive back up 95 home, i had a panic/anxiety attack. BIG time. like... nearly blacking out, couldnt breathe, heart racing... notttttt gooooood. they're really scary because it's hard to maintain control enough (especially when going 65 mph) to tell yourself to calm the fuck down and breathe. if you've never had a panic/anxiety attack, theyre hard to describe. it's like there's someone pushing down on your chest and throat, or like you have a plastic bag on your head, and no matter how deeply you breathe, you're not getting any oxygen.
then i called my mom 7 times. haha. i think i thoroughly annoyed her today. oh well. that's what moms are for, putting up with me freaking out.
in conclusion, i dont really know what to do about the anxiety thing. no health insurance = no help with medication to level me out so my blood pressure doesnt skyrocket like that every time i get really stressed out. that's REALLY not healthy. the older i get, the worse it's going to be, because im at a high risk for heart attacks.
fuckshitdamn.
oh well. day off tomorrow. someone should come by and cuddle with me.
ll_bean_j:
I live right near Deering Oaks. Interesting neighbourhood, it is. I've only walked thru the park once though. I'm more a Western/Eastern Prom kinda guy. You had a day of sheer unabated SUCKITUDE. Far worse than any pain-in-the-ass type things I've dealt with in the past two hours. I'ma pour a stiff one tonight for you. 
garamondyo:
Well, there's not much I wouldn't do to go wandering through Deering Oaks right now. So far away these days. How's the weather over there?