i'm drunk right now.
valetine's day. i hate this day. and not because of it's lovey-dovey couple shit. because today is the day my sister died. and today is the day, 3 years ago, that we spread liz's ashes. and a host of other crap.
i've been drinking since 3 pm.
a certain someone bought me a fifth of beam black label. thank goodness for him.
i'm really confused. my heart still hurts so much from my past, and i dont know if im fully ready to go towards the future. which, in my current situation, probably isnt a bad thing. but then again, at some point in my life i need to have SOMEONE who i have a mutual caring/understanding with in a monogomous relationship, since that has YET to happen in my life. i want to fall in love with someone, since i've never been loved back before. i feel so cold and heartless. i've hurt my fair share of people on my path of destruction, trying to find myself, and in the end, i always end up coming around full circle, back to my comfort zone and back to where it began. at this point, i dont know if this love i've obsessed over for over 2 years is actually love, or if it's some cop-out, some way for me to escape real relationships and for me to keep myself from actually caring about another person and letting them know my feelings.
i dunno. i'm depressed. fuck today.
i'm going to geno's tonight. i'm already hammered. good stuff.
valetine's day. i hate this day. and not because of it's lovey-dovey couple shit. because today is the day my sister died. and today is the day, 3 years ago, that we spread liz's ashes. and a host of other crap.
i've been drinking since 3 pm.
a certain someone bought me a fifth of beam black label. thank goodness for him.
i'm really confused. my heart still hurts so much from my past, and i dont know if im fully ready to go towards the future. which, in my current situation, probably isnt a bad thing. but then again, at some point in my life i need to have SOMEONE who i have a mutual caring/understanding with in a monogomous relationship, since that has YET to happen in my life. i want to fall in love with someone, since i've never been loved back before. i feel so cold and heartless. i've hurt my fair share of people on my path of destruction, trying to find myself, and in the end, i always end up coming around full circle, back to my comfort zone and back to where it began. at this point, i dont know if this love i've obsessed over for over 2 years is actually love, or if it's some cop-out, some way for me to escape real relationships and for me to keep myself from actually caring about another person and letting them know my feelings.
i dunno. i'm depressed. fuck today.
i'm going to geno's tonight. i'm already hammered. good stuff.