it's been an emotionally draining week.
i left to go to my parent's house on thursday. i took the cats, packed up my clothes, and took off for shapleigh/sanford. i got to my parent's house around 2, then needed to go into sanford to buy something to wear to the funeral and wake. i ended up buying a peacoat at marshall's. then i went back to my parent's house, and called my friend chris. we went out and got some drinks at this shithole bar in sanford called spectator's. we ran into a bunch of tom's friends from high school. we hung out there for a few hours, then chris got WASTED, and i had to bring carry him out of the bar and to his front door.
friday was really surreal. i met up with shawn and danika in waterboro, and then we went to sanford and picked up chris. we sat in the parking lot of the funeral home for like half an hour before finally getting up to go in. i felt so sick walking into that place. i signed in, and then turned the corner, and saw his hair. i didnt realize that he was practically right behind me. i turned around and looked at danika, and i think all of the blood had rushed out of my face. i felt like i was going to pass out, and i started to shake. finally, i turned around and went up to his coffin. he looked like he was sleeping. it was so weird. i was weeping uncontrollably, and his mom gave me a big hug. she told me that he was in a lot of pain near the end, and that he passed peacefully in his sleep. it was hard meeting his family, his sisters and their children. then in walked ben, jonny, celia, brian, and suzanne. i dont think i'll ever get the image of ben weeping over his best friend's body. it was so fucking hard to watch that. i dont think he's ever hugged me so hard and for so long before. it was so painful to feel his body shake and feel his tears on my neck.
saturday was the funeral. i dont know what was worse, seeing tom's body, or watching ben and jonny, as well as jay and the munsens, bring tom's casket into the church. the funeral was so NOT tom, so strictly catholic. stand up, sit down, say something, stand up, song, etc etc etc. it was good for his family though. afterwards there was a reception. i sat with the clemonses. we had a few laughs about tom and his crazyness. later last night, all of his friends went down to spectators for drinks. it was really good to be around everyone. minor drama but whatever, drunk people being idiots.
so now im stuck. it's weird. i still cant believe he's actually gone. i'll never get a 10 minute long voicemail in another tongue again, or get shot with a pellet gun, or get a noogie, or have that shoulder to cry on. i miss him already and he's only been gone for a week.
ugh.
i left to go to my parent's house on thursday. i took the cats, packed up my clothes, and took off for shapleigh/sanford. i got to my parent's house around 2, then needed to go into sanford to buy something to wear to the funeral and wake. i ended up buying a peacoat at marshall's. then i went back to my parent's house, and called my friend chris. we went out and got some drinks at this shithole bar in sanford called spectator's. we ran into a bunch of tom's friends from high school. we hung out there for a few hours, then chris got WASTED, and i had to bring carry him out of the bar and to his front door.
friday was really surreal. i met up with shawn and danika in waterboro, and then we went to sanford and picked up chris. we sat in the parking lot of the funeral home for like half an hour before finally getting up to go in. i felt so sick walking into that place. i signed in, and then turned the corner, and saw his hair. i didnt realize that he was practically right behind me. i turned around and looked at danika, and i think all of the blood had rushed out of my face. i felt like i was going to pass out, and i started to shake. finally, i turned around and went up to his coffin. he looked like he was sleeping. it was so weird. i was weeping uncontrollably, and his mom gave me a big hug. she told me that he was in a lot of pain near the end, and that he passed peacefully in his sleep. it was hard meeting his family, his sisters and their children. then in walked ben, jonny, celia, brian, and suzanne. i dont think i'll ever get the image of ben weeping over his best friend's body. it was so fucking hard to watch that. i dont think he's ever hugged me so hard and for so long before. it was so painful to feel his body shake and feel his tears on my neck.
saturday was the funeral. i dont know what was worse, seeing tom's body, or watching ben and jonny, as well as jay and the munsens, bring tom's casket into the church. the funeral was so NOT tom, so strictly catholic. stand up, sit down, say something, stand up, song, etc etc etc. it was good for his family though. afterwards there was a reception. i sat with the clemonses. we had a few laughs about tom and his crazyness. later last night, all of his friends went down to spectators for drinks. it was really good to be around everyone. minor drama but whatever, drunk people being idiots.
so now im stuck. it's weird. i still cant believe he's actually gone. i'll never get a 10 minute long voicemail in another tongue again, or get shot with a pellet gun, or get a noogie, or have that shoulder to cry on. i miss him already and he's only been gone for a week.
ugh.